No matter what, I have to fight it out. Until the day I have defeated the N.H.K., I must fight it out bravely. I absolutely will not lose.

Though sometimes, I do want to die…

Chapter 02.
Jihad

Part One

Several months after the night I’d decided to fight the N.H.K., I looked out the apartment window at the neighborhood park across the street. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom—a cheerful, endlessly beautiful scene.

However, no victory was in view. I saw no sign that I would win this battle.

For starters, I didn’t know where my enemy was hiding.

I thought maybe I should blow up the N.H.K. headquarters.

No, if I did something like that, I’d just be shot and killed by the police.

I rejected that plan.

Most important, I knew my enemy was the N.H.K. I had to believe this—or at least pretend that I believed it. That had to be it. I needed to refrain from making any careless moves.

If I continued like this, my situation would never improve.

Recently, I’d been increasingly depressed over the signs of spring, which mercilessly invaded even my gloomy six-mat, one-room apartment.

Another student had arrived to replace the one who had just vacated the apartment next door. Now, freshmen walked along the road to school, smiles spread across their faces. Opening the window let in a cool spring breeze, cherry blossom petals, or people’s lively voices.

Argh, how could this happen? I alone had been left behind by the gaieties of spring. No, more than that: I was being actively mocked by the rest of the entire world, all of which was in high spirits due to spring’s onset. At least, that was the message I got.

I hadn’t had proper contact with another human being for almost a year.

I felt like I might forget how to speak Japanese if I kept going at this rate. I sensed that I was constantly getting farther and farther from my return to society. That would not be good; it would be very bad. If I didn’t escape from my life as a hikikomori soon, I would be socially laid to rest by the world forever.

First, I needed to consider my independence. I knew I had to find work. Thus, I recently bought a job information magazine from the convenience store. After reading through it, however, everything seemed impossible.

Oh, it’s impossible. Absolutely impossible. I’m a dropout from a third-rate college, with zero qualifications. That’s me. If I were the personnel manager at some company, I’d definitely never hire a hikikomori like myself. In this day and age—when it’s hard enough to get work—there’s no way any company willingly would hire a useless person like me.