Oh… I can’t carry on… I’m finished?… It hurts… How pathetic… What can I possibly do?…There’s nothing I can do… How painful…

It was another bad trip.

The effects of a hallucinogen are influenced by the psychological state and environment of the user; basically, the outcome depends on the user’s frame of mind and physical surroundings. If users feel like they’re having a good time when they take the drugs, they’ll be in heaven; but if they’re depressed already, they’ll go straight to hell. Using drugs with the intention of escaping reality can’t lead to any positive results.

I knew that, of course. I did, but… but my drug-addled senses had been invaded by a dramatic, tangible fear. It was different from the vague anxiety I felt on a daily basis. It was almost visible—a totally clear, easily understood uncertainty.

Yes, it was a huge but visible, easily understood fear, this uncertainty. I even may have wanted it like that. Compared to the daily uncertainties, which steadily tortured me little by little, this drug-induced depression even may have been pleasurable.

Yamazaki turned toward the refrigerator and swung his fist.

“Dammit, if you’re going to do it, then come on! I’ll face you!” It seemed Yamazaki was confronting an imaginary opponent over there.

I, however, sat trembling in the corner, holding my head and pulling up my legs tight to my chest.

“Stop! Don’t come over here!” The enemy was close. Despite my fear, I was somehow having fun. Being chased and killed by villains was a thrilling vision. My paranoia really excited me.

It stimulated me. In short, it was pleasant.

If it was pleasant, it also must be fun.

That’s right! In other words, we were happy. I decided this was the best trip ever! Now, I truly understood the rock-and-roll lifestyle. I decided to make that lifestyle even more perfect.

“After drugs comes violence!”

Before the effects of the drugs wore off, we dashed out of the apartment and headed to the park.

We were going to fight. Tonight, we would move our violence to the wide-open park. Like young people in their fleeting youth, we had to fight! We had to fight dramatically, spectacularly, with all the passion of K-l kickboxers! If we did this, we could experience even more pleasure…

The sun had long since set, and there was no sign of anyone around us. If there had been, we would have been in trouble. It would have been embarrassing.

Under the streetlamps of the park, we faced each other. I was wearing a jersey and a T-shirt, and Yamazaki wore a sweatshirt. We were both dressed to move easily. We were ready.