“Ultimately, the problem comes back to having confidence in yourself. Having self-confidence, in reality, is a pretty difficult thing to achieve. Truthfully, I don’t think you’ll be able to gain it through any normal method; but I have a marvelous, revolutionary technique to make the impossible possible. Do you want to know? You do want to know, don’t you?”

As she said this, she looked at me, and there was nothing I could do but nod. “All right, listen carefully”, Misaki said in her most dignified voice. “This idea is a massive about-face—like on a Copernicus level! In short, if you can’t be self-confident, then just imagine the person you’re speaking to as even more of a failure than you think you are! That’s the method!”

I had no idea what she was talking about.

“You simply assume that the person you’re conversing with is a huge failure. You theorize that they’re a waste of a human being. Look down on them as much as you can. If you can do that, you should be able to speak well and remain calm, without any nervousness. You’ll be relaxed and at ease, right?

“There is one thing you must be careful of. You have to go out of your way to avoid telling the person you’re speaking to what you’re thinking, because they’ll get mad or hurt. If someone looked you in the face and called you trash, or said you were the worst, or labeled you a failure as a human being, you’d be really depressed, right, Satou? That’s why I keep quiet.”

You mean… I thought. Could this really be some kind of roundabout criticism of me? If so, Misaki’s expression remained innocent.

I had to ask, “Misaki, might you be putting these ‘conversational techniques’ into practice during your daily life?”

“Yes, I am. But they don’t really work that well. Most people are better than I am; so, even if I try to believe they’re worthless, I usually fail. As far as that goes, though, when I’m talking to you, Satou, I naturally…”

“Naturally…?”

“Forget it. If I told you, it’d hurt you.”

I’d been hurt for a long time.

“It’s nothing to worry about. Even a person like you, Satou, is useful to someone.” With that declaration, Misaki stood up. “That’s all for today. See you tomorrow.”

Part Three

Yamazaki was working on the game alone. Using the scenario I had half completed, he was creating the game himself. Continuing to wire himself with the hallucinogens we had bought a few days earlier, he silently focused on his computer. Was this another form of escape from reality? It was truly the ultimate way. However, was creating a game on hallucinogens really possible? Leaning over Yamazaki’s shoulder, I peered at his computer monitor.