Ah, I wanted to brag to Yamazaki, I’m living right now, this very moment, burning out my life in a wonderful manner. I truly feel alive. I wanted to hold my head high with pride and brag to him.

It was true, looking at it objectively, that this was quite a dramatic night. A girl swinging a knife around and me trying to stop that girl from committing suicide. It was all rather moving. Given that fact, the words should come pouring forth. In this situation, I should be able to say something eloquent.

Misaki was trembling. I probably was trembling, too. I was frightened, so I tried to bolster my courage.

Memories from my twenty-two years passed through my mind. I realized that I had existed for this moment, when I would do whatever I could—anything I could—to keep this girl alive. It was probably my life’s mission. If not, then there was no meaning… No meaning for my having lived up until now, no meaning in living and then dying. At that instant, I understood everything. I knew everything, and everything was connected.

I would help Misaki, who was shaking with terror. I would give my life to help her. This kind of situation must have been what I’d desired all along. The flags that guided me toward the ending all had unfurled.[37] My dialog, leading toward this ending, was all that remained to set this scene into motion. Because of that, I would stand up and face it. Misaki could find a reason to live. It would be a happy ending.

I was scared. Please, help me…

Even so, I gathered my courage and embraced the trembling Misaki. “It’s not your fault, Misaki.”

I hugged her with all my strength and whispered into her ear, “It’s not your fault at all, Misaki. Not a single part is your fault.”

She was slight, thin. Shaking, she clung to me, and the darkness surrounded the two of us.

The wind was strong that night. Snow fell lightly. The stillness grew deeper. Why were we so sad? Why were we so lonely? Do you know the reason? Oh, I understand. It’s because we’re about to part, about to say farewell. That’s why we’re trembling. We’re forever alone, and we’re forever lonely. That’s how it always is, the way it’s supposed to be. Everyone is like this, so don’t hate yourself. Don’t hate yourself. There are other things you should hate. You need to know that.

“That’s right, there are bad people. There are people who’ve hurt you, Misaki.”