I was shattered, though. My self-esteem went down like a stallion biting the dust. And it was just at this point, when my spirits were at rock bottom, that my heart leapt aflame with love. I’d thought my feelings were smothered in routine. I’d taken it for granted that Tahiya belonged to me, like a comfortable old shoe. I’d harangued her, demeaned her, and beaten her, but she couldn’t live without me, I thought, and she’d sacrifice her life rather than leave me. Now I knew that if she walked out on me—so cunningly and so cruelly—she was taking my trust in life, my confidence, and my sense of mastery with her. What replaced them was madness—in the shape of love, which broke out of the dark corner of its lair, shook off the lethargy of long hibernation, and went to seek the food it had been missing.

When she appeared at the judas, summoned by my ringing, Tahiya’s eyes showed confusion, as if she might be faltering. But they didn’t flinch, there was no sign of cringing from challenge at this crisis in her life. And in what seemed a new personality, courageous, freed from continual submission, looking forward to a new life, I sensed that she was slipping across some kind of border into a region of potential violence.

“Open the door, Tahiya,” I pleaded.

“You know everything now.”

“Are you going to leave me outside, like a stranger?”

“Tariq, what can I say? Perhaps it’s for the good of both of us. It’s our fate.”

“This is some crazy joke.”

“I should have told you myself.”

“But I don’t believe it. Open up!”

“No. I’m treating you honorably.”

“You’re nothing but a whore!”

“Fine, then. Leave me in peace.”

“I’ll never do that.”

“We’re getting married right away.”

“A student. Mad. Half blind.”

“I’ll try my luck.”

“Open the door, you fool.”

“No. It’s all over between us.”

“It can’t be.”

“That’s life.”

“You’ll never know love except with me.”

“We couldn’t go on living like that.”

“You’re not old enough to have given up hope. Why are you acting in this stupid fashion?”

“Please, let’s be friends, I beg you.”

“You acted in a fit of despair. It was a mistake.”

“No.”

“People like you—I know what odd phases they go through.”

“May God forgive you.”

“You lunatic! When did you change?”

“I haven’t committed any sin against you.”

“You’ve lived a lie for quite some time.”

“Don’t keep on insisting. It’s no use.”

“You’re the biggest whore around.”

She clicked the judas shut.

—