The estimated region where the Bigfoot race is estimated to live contains nearly fifteen million people. However, of that region, eighty percent of it contains absolutely no human residents. Is it not unreasonable to think that maybe, just maybe, there is something going on that we could not possibly know about? Are we, as humans and so-called Scientists, so sure of ourselves that we could possibly dismiss the idea completely?

Barrett killed the last of his beer and placed it on the table down away from him. He reached toward his ankle and pulled up another bottle of beer from the pack by his feet on the floor. Barrett typed in “MISSOURI BIGFOOT” into the search engine. The first thing that popped up were stories of a local creature he had never heard about, named Momo the Monster. It was supposed to be slightly smaller than a Bigfoot with a big clumsy head and a distinctive skunk-like stench. The thing Barrett definitely did stink, but it wasn’t like a skunk. The thing Barrett saw smelled like freshly laid shit. Plus, his daughter never wrote about Momo, his daughter wrote about Bigfoot. Barrett shook his head.

The next listing was an article written by a small county newspaper in the Ozarks. It was about a supposed ufologist in the region who was designated by some UFO agency to collect all the reports in the area. The guy was a local chiropractor who was appointed by some nonprofit started by some French guy to be the lead investigator in Central Missouri. He started sharing Bigfoot stories.

“I had pulled over to check my tire, and I felt a large, leathery padded finger gently stroke my face and run off. I saw the back. All hair, huge, grunting.”

“My husband hasn’t been the same since he went on a walk behind our house a few days ago. He came back covered in scratches and abrasions and said that he had been thrown down a hill through the brambles by a big ape. He says Bigfeet isn’t real, but really, is that more insane than him saying that there is a large ape throwing men down hills in Missouri?”

“One feller called to tell me that he saw bright lights in the sky outside his farm. I went to check and saw burn marks in the crops in his field. All soy, all scorched black. No other signs. Just a black circle and the crops all laying down flat. The next night, he sees the lights again, and rushes out. Nothing at the circle, but in the trees he said he saw a large, bipedal hominid lowering to the ground in a beam of light. He said it was clutching at its genitals and screaming.”

“There were mysterious logs being thrown onto the highway. Too big for a human to toss. Not good.”