This was a horrible event for her, a one-off. Sure, it’s shocking to any human with a pulse. But still, it was something that was not prolonged over days or even hours. I have no doubt, she’s strong enough to move forward.

As I ride on, I see a black SUV slow down. Maybe the driver’s looking at a cell phone to check directions or reading a text message. That’s when the white truck behind it plows straight forward, slamming the car from behind. The crashing sound ricochets through my head, and somewhere in the back of my skull, a spark is born.

I pull over to the side of the road, needing a moment to breathe and refocus. My hands wring together as the memories steamroll over my psyche.

The stairs are cracked gray concrete. We walk up, the four of us welcomed with open arms. As I enter this home, rich with the smells of fresh bread and spices, relief fills my lungs. Ahmad is a friend. Girlish laughter is everywhere in sound but hidden from sight. He has four daughters, all gentle.

We sit on the floor, cross-legged, as his daughters come to serve us. Hair covered in black cloth and pink lips silent. Asal leans to serve me, holding back a smile as she dips the serving spoon into the large plate. Her green eyes connect with mine, asking if I want some. I nod without words, watching as warmth fills her oval face. The men joke, hungry but calm, as she makes her way around, head downcast. Rex grumbles, staring at my plate ’cause I’ve got more meat than he does.

A child starts to scream from outside, and we all pause. Something’s wrong. I blink, setting down my plate and moving toward the corner of the window.

Shots fly through. Our reflexes razor sharp, we’re all crouched in position with our weapons drawn.

But she didn’t know. How could she?

I watch the widening of fearful green eyes before she drops. Blink.

The ambulance sirens blaze, and I’m shaken back to life. Christ. I forgot about that day. That firefight had gone on for hours. I was called to leave soon after that. Never even made it to her burial.

I want to remember what happened at the club, but I can’t. Last thing I’m sure of was the rapper claiming to own the streets. After that, it’s static. But then Lauren threw up in the alley, looking at me, all frightened. And it was as though I snapped awake.

I get off the bike and pace back and forth on the grass bordering the highway. Pulling on the ends of my hair, I want to kick my own teeth out. Lauren was afraid of me. What did I do in that club?

Whatever it was, it’s done now. My memories are all fucked up, things sliding in and out of my consciousness.

Did I carry her in my arms or on my back? Did I just pull her forward? Did I hurt her? Fuck.