The thought striking me as bizarre at this terrible occasion, I wiped my trembling hands down my tunic and walked to the water I’d had Kasha tote in from one of the Garadun’s tributaries and boil. As I grabbed the soap, Dagan stepped behind me. My eyes welled at his nearness. No matter what sort of harm I caused, he was still there for me. No matter what. The warmth and heady smell of his tunic stilled my hands, and I craned my neck around to face him.

He touched my cheek, his eyes filled with tears.

“My love…” My eyes welled as my lip trembled. “I’m sorry….”

“Shhh, shhh, shhh, Arammu.”

“I did more harm than good.” My voice broke.

His chin bunched. “This isn’t all your fault, Arammu. I asked you to treat him, and we were trying our best. Isn’t that a healer’s job? To do their very best? Try to ease people’s pain? You tried. And that’s all we can do.”

“I should have listened to myself, though. I knew not to leave the wound open!”

“Well, then you must learn to pay attention to what your instincts tell you. You will only be a better healer for it. And I should have just listened to what you recommended and shut my mouth!”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

Easing away from his touch, I plunged my hands down into the warmth of the washbasin, scouring with the bristle brush and the soap. He went around to the other side of the tub. Dipped his own hands into the water, too, and began to scrub right along with me.

“I should have stepped up with Rish and helped you find a different solution instead of pressuring you to heal him. Something. You are not in this alone, my sweet. You are not in this life alone.”

The words rubbed me raw, because though he took some of the fault on himself, it really wasn’t. I had known what needed to be done and I didn’t do it. Period. I scrubbed the bristles under my fingernails, removing the grime and the dirt. Scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing some more.

Under the water, Dagan took the brush. Rubbed his thumbs over the tops of my hands. I met his eyes. “Forgive me for my part in this, Kammani. Forgive yourself,” he breathed across the washtub. “Remember how much I care. I will help you with Rish, and I will help you moving forward. Whatever you need.”

Stifling the tears in my throat, I nodded. After several moments, I wiped the tears from my eyes with my arm while my hands dripped over the basin. “I’ll need it. This is a—trying task.”

“It is, and likely one of many we will need to endure. Together.” He swallowed, and I looked up at his handsome face. Tears ran down his cheeks. “My family needs us both to be strong.” His throat bobbed. “I don’t think I’m doing a very good job.”