Distantly, I heard someone ask Rylander about a dark cloud on the horizon, heard Rylander assure him the air didn’t smell like a storm. But I was already scampering back the way I’d come, because it wasn’t rage but grief rattling around in my chest. I had to get out of there. I couldn’t think straight.

Forgetting my sea legs, I fell into the door and fumbled the handle for a few heart-stopping seconds, but no one shouted, “Oi, you!” I wrenched the door open, stumbled inside, closed it quietly, then pressed my back against it, panting. Tears left tacky trails on my cheeks.

What was wrong with me?

I’d thought I’d mourned my father. I’d stowed myself away for a week, wallowing for as long as my crew could afford to be without a captain. But what had helped me crawl from my pit of sorrow was visions of slaying the heartless monster that took Father from me. What I’d seen up there on the deck had cracked that anchoring image like a bow ramming a reef, and the water was pouring in, ready to drag me under. That silver lining to my grief had shrunk, and the heartbreak it had held at bay rose up to batter me with old pain. If Rylander wasn’t a selfish bastard who killed for sport rather than necessity, then who was he? My monster had changed faces. But through the crack in that visage came a new clarity.

Shaking the shucking knife out of my sleeve, I ogled it in horrified wonder at how I could be so stupid. The second I plunged this pitiful little thing into Rylander’s neck, there’d be no turning back. Krinny and Dara would be assumed accomplices, unarmed and trapped on an enemy ship.

Petty, childish anger had urged me down this hall, but a humble resolve pushed me back to my friends on shaky legs. Feeling Krinny’s gaze the moment I opened the door, I set to pulling off my boots.

“Nice stroll?” she asked finally as I shirked of my jacket.

“Not in the least,” I said, tossing the knife away in a huff. “I failed to come to a satisfactory decision, yet again.”

“That’s because you’ve already made the right decision, heading to Cava. Regardless of Captain Rylander’s fate, we have the chance to make a difference and stop the sirens from acquiring our lands. Because at the rate they’re taking our men, ships, and provisions, we won’t have anything left by next winter.”

I hung up my hat. “What if I fail at that, too?” I asked in such a low voice, I questioned whether she heard me at all.