‘I don’t . . . I don’t know what to say . . .’

‘I don’t know what to say, Mario, and it was me it happened to. I have never known what to say.’

‘Did you meet the couple?’ His voice was soft, reverential.

She nodded. ‘Once, briefly. They came to the hospital when she was brand new and I was still holding her.’ The words slid down her throat like glass. ‘They were nice to me. They told me they had two boys already and had always wanted a girl, but she couldn’t have any more children . . . and so I gave her mine.’ She felt the sob build in her chest.

‘Did you name her?’ His voice cracked, and she nodded.

‘Her name is Ellory – “E” for Ellory.’ It was the first time Bess had said her name out loud to another human being since the day she had given birth to her. The sudden rush of emotion left her a little dizzy. ‘The nurse told me the couple liked the name and would keep it.’ Her head sank on to her chest and she fought for breath. Mario slipped down from the mattress and joined her on the floor, holding her fast against him as her tears fell. The solidity and proximity of him warmed her, as it always had. ‘It’s a big deal for me,’ she sniffed. ‘She doesn’t know who I am, and I don’t know anything about her, but I gave her that name and it’s like she carries a little bit of me around with her every day because of it.’

‘And you haven’t seen her since you had her?’

‘No.’

‘Does she know about you?’

‘I don’t know.’ The truth made her sob.

‘And not once, in the whole of our marriage, did you think to tell me?’ He looked hurt, his eyes brimming.

‘I was so used to not telling anyone that I didn’t know how to break that cycle. It made me so ashamed, Mario – at first because I had had her at all and then later because I had kept her secret, and the longer I kept her a secret, the harder it felt to tell a soul, especially you. How could I, after all the time that had passed? I couldn’t tell anyone.’

‘Apart from Philip?’

‘I had no one else, but we paid the price for keeping the secret, Philip and me. That’s why he stays away – it’s too big a thing to know and keep swallowed. It put a wedge between us. It put a wedge between him and our parents. And it’s all my fault.’

‘Christ, Bess, what a bloody mess.’

‘It is a bloody mess!’ She cried into the front of his T-shirt, the scent of him warm and familiar. They sat locked together until their breathing found its rhythm and tiredness pawed at them.

‘Come on.’ Mario eased her from his arms and pulled back the duvet, gently shoving Chutney to his spot at the bottom of the bed.