I work the rest of the dinner service, and no one talks to me except to issue orders. Afterward, I go to my quarters to relax before my Commander buzzes me. I reckon I’ve time for a nap as I suspect he’ll stay up late with his officers. I fall asleep with my uniform on, and when I wake up, it’s the middle of the night, but my Commander never buzzed me. I check my notifications in my room, and there would have been a notice if he buzzed me, and I missed it, but there’s nothing. I hold my hand over the buzzer to his room, I wonder if I should ask if he needs me, but after a few seconds, I decide not to press it. Perhaps he just had a late night.

However, as I lay back down, I think about all the Silver females the human woman said that was on their ship, and I can’t help but wonder if my Commander is with one of them. I know, or I think I know, he hasn’t had sex in a long time. As far as I can gather from their culture, it’s not something that interests them, not as much as humans, and this is why they have this strange custom of masturbation. I tell myself that my Commander is nothing to me in that way and that his sex life is not my concern. But my mind cannot let go of this, and I imagine myself going to his quarters in the morning and finding a Silver female in his bed. The smell of sex in the air, the wet and dirty sheets, and I can’t deny that in my heart, I’d be jealous and angry to witness that.

“You aren’t even the same species,” I say out loud, chiding myself, but I still get a little teary-eyed thinking about this scenario. Then to twist the knife further, I remind myself one day, he probably will marry, and I will have to stand by and congratulate him and clean up after him and his wife.

“Go to sleep,” I command myself.

CHAPTER 18

COMMANDER

In the morning, Volunteer 4711 arrives as usual. I greet her, already dressed.

“I got up early,” I explain.

“You should have buzzed me,” she says, and I can see that she is curious as to what is going on.

“Last night, I was up late with my officers; I think we have a plan the other fleet will not refuse. I did not want to wake you when I went to bed.”

“I hope you didn’t sleep in your uniform,” she says sharply.

I resist smiling and change the subject. “Today, I need you to answer all my correspondence. Do not worry about the other fleet. However, this evening I will be dining on the other commander’s ship. I will take you with me. There will not be food for you, so please eat beforehand.”

“I understand. Is there anything else?”