Her eyes jerked open; they were filled with fear of what she had become in those moments. She touched her forehead with her hand to find tiny sweat drops. She wiped her face and gulped down a glass of water. But the uneasiness refused to go away. She somehow managed to close her eyes again. Was it all related to the bloodshed she had witnessed as a child? Had she kept the violence within her and it had erupted when she had felt cornered? She stood up and rushed to the kitchen. But the cold-water splashes on her face made little difference in getting rid of the feelings of shock and guilt. Instead, her mind went back to Ismail and his gory death.

After stabbing the goon twice with a sharp kitchen knife kept by her bedside, she still had the strong urge to burn him alive. She had placed the knife under her pillow, fearing such an incident would occur. It became increasingly difficult for her to understand what evil possessed her and made her change into a wild, bloodthirsty beast. She had witnessed Allah Rakha drag Ismail to the edge of the cliff and push him to his death and still had made no effort to stop him. Instead, she had felt at ease, relieved.

Was it her instinct that had made her act like this or was violence a part of her? She didn’t have an answer, nor did she know whom to consult for guidance. Her mother had taught her about the essence of love and patience. Her father had inculcated values of sharing and caring. And here she was, turning into a vicious attacker, a murderer. Her heart ached. Her soul was burdened. She repented her actions and feared seeing her own reflection in the mirror. Still, she wasn’t sure she wouldn’t do it again.

While returning from the gurdwara a week later, she saw Pandit Kishan Kaul entering his home. She waved at him. A few minutes later, she was seated on his carpeted floor, talking to the saintly soul. Mustering all her courage, she told him her story and the state of her mind. At first, he was quite shaken. He had heard the stories about her, but, barring a small percentage, had discounted most of them. But when he heard it directly from Bibi, it made him feel both proud and concerned.