I shook my head because I didn’t have anything to say. She put her nose up under mine and lifted my head so she could see me. I looked into her eyes and started sobbing.

‘Alannah, alannah!’ She hugged me tight, ‘Don’t cry, I’m back.’

People were going up and down past the door so I held it down as she rocked me and rubbed my back. But then it burst out again and my whole face was wet with feeling stupid. I could feel my chin wobbling and pushed in to her to get warm. She let me for a while, until I calmed down, and then she wiped my face with her hand and said, ‘Have you had something to eat?’

I looked up and her eyes were different colours of sky. I touched her face and her skin was warm, it was like Carmel’s, like milk. She had Nana’s high forehead and her hair was brushed back and shiny in the light from the window. I grabbed her jaw and squeezed. She took hold of my hand and kissed it, but then I felt trapped so I pulled it away.

‘Was it Daddy’s fault?’

‘Sh,’ she said. ‘No one’s. It just happens.’

‘Was it Kat?’

My mum shook her head, ‘She’ll tell us herself what her name is. It’ll all be fine.’

‘What if it happens again?’ I said.

‘I’ve just got back. You can’t be pushing me out the door.’

I had to smile, but I couldn’t let her put me off. ‘I want to come with you,’ I said.

‘It won’t happen. I’m not going anywhere.’

It must have looked like I couldn’t see that far in the future, because she said, ‘Look at my wedding ring,’ and held it up to the light. ‘I’ll never take that off. He’ll have to pull the house down on top and bury me in it. I’m staying.’

She sounded like Kat.

‘What makes – ?’

I stopped because they were pushing Nana up the stairs past the landing to the front room to get her to dance and she was saying she wasn’t ready. Uncle Eamon was saying she was too old to be standing on the shelf.

‘Who’s Gerry?’ I said.

‘Uncle Gerry to you,’ and she blinked at me. ‘That’s a long story and we’ll leave it for another time. Now, are you ready?’

I didn’t want to go, but I nodded.

She put me off her lap and said, ‘Stand there, let me see you. Are you presentable?’

I took a deep breath, and she wiped my chin with the back of her hand.