I drive to Charleston as slowly as I can. I dread the empty house. Once inside I go instinctively to Julian’s room. I sit on his bed and look at his books and papers, a jacket left hanging on a peg. He will have a new landscape round him now, one I cannot as yet imagine. I take off my shoes and lie full length on the bed, reaching to pull the jacket from its peg. The coarse wool reminds me of the shawl Mother used to slip round her shoulders as she disappeared on a nursing errand. I remember the sight of the front door closing behind her and the hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach as I heard her feet run down the stone steps. I put the jacket on. I do not know how to bear this latest separation. I hear Father’s voice calling Mother’s name: “Julia! Julia!” Its echo with “Julian” strikes me for the first time.

The unfamiliar stamp on the envelope and my name and address in Julian’s flowing hand give me an immediate jolt of pleasure. The thin paper crackles as I scoop the letter from the mat and carry it to the kitchen. My heart soars as I slit the envelope open and find several sheets inside. I take the pages out and lay them on the table. I am torn between wanting to savor this moment and my yearning to dive in and read.

Julian’s letters become the high point of my week. I reread them until I feel as if I am beginning to know not only a different country, but also my son in a new way. It is as if the distance between us, the fact that we can only communicate by writing, encourages us to reveal more about ourselves than we have ever dared to before. I sense that Julian is telling me everything, holding nothing back. I revel in the full, luxurious unravelings of his heart and mind. I start to understand his feelings, anticipate his thoughts. It is a reciprocal process. I, in my turn, find myself pouring out all the old hurts in my letters, disclosing things it has always seemed impossible to tell. As the months pass, I become aware that our relationship is changing. Now it is Julian offering me advice, Julian pledging love and support. Life unfurls through my son.