“And for you, that’s saying something!” Mel laughs and kisses him.

“You’re so wonderful. I’m so lucky. How did I ever end up with someone like you?”

5

5

The young man in the long queue of would-be interrogators shuffles up to the microphone stand to take his turn. Scott Parker resists the urge to check the time on the teleprompter at his feet. That would be unprofessional and, worse, inconsiderate to the people who have paid $335 apiece to be here. He takes a deep, focused inhalation, tenses and releases the muscles in his arms and legs. Breath control is mind control is life control.

He knows this type. Dark, floppy hair that hangs in his eyes, a Rick and Morty T-shirt, dark blue jeans. Twitchy with nerves. One hand is clamped above his elbow, bracketing his chest like a shield. He can barely make eye contact. So many lost boys.

“Thank you for coming to talk to us today, Mr. Parker,” he says in a rush of words. “It’s been an honor to have you sharing your insight and wisdom with us—”

“It’s been a privilege to be here.”

The young man slaps his hands over his mouth, a girlish gesture. “Dr. Parker, I mean. Sorry! I’m so embarrassed. Dr. Parker.”

“You know my philosophy on this. We don’t need to apologize if we intended no harm. Did you have a question or . . . ?”

“Well, it’s more of a comment. Or maybe it’s a question. Uh.”

Scott opens his hands to say “I’m ready for you, whenever you are,” even though the weariness is crashing down on him again. How many questions like this has he heard?

“So in a society where young men are angry . . .”

“Rightfully angry. Where you’re told that your essential masculinity is poisonous to society, that it’s all your fault.”

“Yeah.” The boy shifts. “And it’s hard, like, it’s really hard to know what to do or what to say. And everything you do is wrong?”

“The worst part is how being told that, repeatedly, does create a poison, one that poisons you. Self-loathing, repudiation, guilt. It’s not fair, is it, to be made to feel bad for being who you are?”

“Yeah, all of that. So like, when you don’t know what to say, or do . . . with women, I mean?”

“Because of this toxic messaging in society that has overtaken the cultural narrative,” Scott fills in, helpfully.

“With all that going on”—he’s visibly trembling—“is it really so bad, is it really, like, a failure to, you know, express your sexuality and your essential human need for love and acceptance, like you said, with . . . with . . .”

The audience sucks in its collective breath.

“. . . a growjob?”