me—a bundle of poetry.

I took responsibility

for your emotions,

that was my mistake.

You let me,

and that was yours.

It feels unfair,

the act of will

required to leave you

when falling in love

was never a choice.

The brain is inaccurately

likened to an operating system.

See if this was an OS

I could block certain terms

like your name,

from popping in memory

a defaulted screensaver

when my brain is on pause.

It should be a universal law:

when two people are together

their love for each other must equal out.

Maybe like gravity or motion

perhaps finite math—anything tangible.

Because I am tired of loving someone

more than they love me.

The more I learn of you

the less I love you.

In the end, they were right

all I needed was time.

Even with eyes burning

I remind myself

this sting won’t last.

As the smoke clears,

thoughts of you

will be long gone.

There is no shore, no safe house

unless I seek them.

If I only focus on the water

I will continue to drown.

I didn’t see what you really were

till you had taken all my light,

forever collapsing within yourself

still hungry for more.

I have no words of love left for you,

keep that heart you ripped out of me

you must need it more;

I am growing another.

It took me years to unlearn

love is a weakness

I will not allow you

to be that lesson again.

The last few times I saw you,

I hadn’t been able to look into your eyes.

They pulled me in,

pulled out the emotion in me

And I would drown in the feeling,

knowing you didn’t love me.

knowing I still loved you.

Now, I look into your eyes;

were they always this dark?

I swear I remember

speckles of gold and green

a glimmer, a sheen

or maybe it was a dream.

I look at them now,

uninterrupted by emotions

and my heart settles

into quiet indifference.

This, I realize, is moving on.

There was a time

I couldn’t tell me

from you.

Now, I am glad

I am with me

while you are with you.

How does it feel

to no longer be

my favorite notification?

I burrow deeper within

digging out big hurts and small

hands raw, fingers bleeding

ears ringing from broken love.

I burrow deeper within

hauling out carcasses

devouring demons whole

mouth full of tales untold.

I burrow deeper within

to unseen tunnels for solemn healing

creating a path to new hope

making myself a home.

Alone, I feel clean

without you, I am back to me.

There is a rumble

of change

within me

I sit in it

drown in it

then, transform.

The electricity of new synapses

courses through my brain

bending shooting stars my way.

I wish on each of them,

step over their dust trails

jump into wishing wells

drown out hate