Dedication

For all the badasses reluctant to show their soft side—you are not alone.

There is this myth that showing emotions is a sign of weakness, a myth I believed for many years. This book is my way back to my feelings. To be comfortable with them, around them, in them. May it help you embrace yours as well.

And to anyone who struggles to talk about love and heartbreak, I hope you find the power in your vulnerability. It is okay to feel something; there is even strength in it.

Is this how you remember our story too?

Part I: Following You

No swiping

No height lies

No tiger pics

No bio quips

Our encounter was

the stuff of urban myths:

an In Real Life sitch.

We met under the desert sky,

strangers among friends

your gaze rested on me

too long for it to be a friendly hi

the sky turned crimson

reading your lingering thoughts

the sun slipped away, so sly

knowing the night is when

lovers unite

stars giggled down

whispering about our fates

finally aligned

I sat, staring up

and you, you only stared

at me that night.

No wait-three-days rule afoot

You call, not text

and I think finally

I’ve found myself

a modern romantic,

someone I could even

make mine.

.

.

.

Or, are you just a friend?

Most people are imitations

of their idols

of favorite characters—

forever editing their lives

to fit an ideal.

Not you:

you are your own being

unaltered, untainted.

You notice things

about me

I did not think

were worth noting.

We hang like friends

and kiss like lovers

I want to know:

what are we?

On a trip away,

your phone battery died.

You added me on Facebook

to make sure I knew why

you hadn’t replied.

I wonder maybe,

we have something here,

you and I.

You say my name

and I finally know

what it means

to come undone.

I am no good at jokes:

despite off-delivery, and

references too vague,

you laugh every time

looking into my eyes

making me feel seen

for the first time in my life.

You are

my favorite

notification.

You have turned me into a cliché:

I check if you’re online

a dozen times a day

lol at your Snaps

{you’d be such an entertaining date}

and wonder if you tweet about me

or is there some other pizza-loving bae?

Fear and courage, love and lust

feel the same.

Tingling, heart clenching

how to tell, which is what?

I hope

you never

think of

someone else

while you

kiss me.

Lay down your armor

I’ve cast mine aside

out of these confines

I feel larger, stronger

won’t you join me

in this vulnerability?

Let us be true to ourselves

and get to know

each other tonight.

The closer

you try to get

the harder

I’ll push you away.

I don’t want you to go,

you say.