Greer and I had fit together so seamlessly, it felt like, but there had been a million decisions that had gone into our love.

Then I slid my finger underneath the seal of the envelope, imagining her licking it shut. Part of me wanted to rip into that letter, to read and reread it all night. But I didn’t. I sat with it, staring at her handwriting as if it could bring her back from the dead, for far longer than I would like to admit.

I took a deep breath, got my nerve up, pulled the thick card out of its envelope, and read.

Greer

July 19, 2016

Dearest Parker,

Everything changes when you know it is the end. Even three months ago, the idea of you with someone else made my insides wrench and my heart feel so hard and heavy I could scarcely breathe. But three months ago was not now. Two months ago was not now. Today, I can finally accept that I am going to be gone. It is sort of odd to imagine the world without yourself in it. I hope that doesn’t sound conceited, and if so I don’t mean it that way. It’s only that once you are gone, so is the specific part you played in the world, making it different in some ways.

I tell you this because it is only today that I can, with all my heart, ask you to move on, to move forward with your life. Don’t forget me. Don’t stop loving me. I could never do that if the roles were reversed, and so I won’t ask something impossible. But, Parker, please don’t waste your life pining for me, crying over someone who, no matter how hard we both wish, can never come back.

When I closed my eyes this morning, I saw you with someone new. I saw you with two babies and a smile on your face. And, Parker, it made me glad. Even then, as happy as you looked, I felt the way that you carried me in your heart, the way that I am always a part of you, just as you are always a part of me. But please don’t let me be the only part.

I love you so much that I want you to be happy might sound like a martyr’s plea. But it honestly isn’t. It’s selfish, in fact. I can’t leave this earth content knowing that you might never experience all the good things life has to offer. We aren’t meant to be alone, my love. I know that now. So when you find that woman, the special one, the right one, the one that is worthy of all that you are, don’t be afraid to tell her how you feel. You won’t be sullying my memory. You will only be making a new one.

Parker, you have been the kindest, most heroic man I could ever have hoped to meet. The way that you have taken care of me and loved me and never skipped a beat through the worst ordeal imaginable is the stuff of fairy tales. You are my knight in shining armor. You are the love of my life. I know that, for a time, I was yours, too.

Our story didn’t end as planned, and I regret that wholeheartedly. But please, Parker, please: don’t let the idea that our story ended badly keep you from writing a new one.

With all my love and all my heart, forever, until the end of time,

Greer