After I served the asparagus on the fine china, I sat down at the head of the table. And who was to my left and right? Why, Harris and Parker. Charming. Comfortable. So now I was drunk and nervous, which made me drink more and talk more, which is the only reason I can possibly imagine that I said, through my second bite of dinner, “I’m lucky that my pee never smells like asparagus.”

Spence, from the other end of the table said, “It’s not that your pee doesn’t smell like asparagus. It’s that you don’t have the gene to be able to smell it.”

“Wait, wait, back up,” Jennifer said. “So what you’re saying is that everyone’s pee smells like asparagus, it’s just that only some people can smell it?”

“Exactly,” Spence said, looking very self-assured.

“I can’t smell it,” Trina said.

“Me neither,” Robby chimed in.

“Oh, I can,” Parker said. “Definitely.”

“Me too,” Harris said. “Just a little fun fact about the man you’re moving in with.”

Everyone around the table was chattering loudly, and I was finishing my beer, which is the only reason I can imagine that I said, “I want to see if my pee actually smells like asparagus. Who will smell it for me?”

The table quieted down, I think sensing that something pretty exciting was happening at our end, and, as Harris said, “Gross, Amelia. No way,” Parker chimed in, very seriously, “I’ll do it.”

The drunk version of Amelia who believed she was charming said, “Oh, yay!”

And then I proceeded to stand up and teeter down the hall to the master bathroom, Parker on my heels.

As he closed the door behind him, I think I sobered up just enough to realize that this was crazy and also inappropriate. So I said, “Oh, Park. You don’t have to smell my pee.”

He laughed. “Lia, if the past thirtysomething years haven’t proven this to you, there is nothing that I wouldn’t do for you. I will even smell your asparagus pee.”

Even though he laughed as he said it, I knew he was serious. And it felt so heavy, that statement.

“Hey, Park,” I said, “if my trying to have your baby didn’t prove it, I’d do anything for you, too.”

I leaned back against the vanity, the edge cold and hard through my sundress. I glanced over at the silver tray Olivia kept perfectly organized with makeup. When I was little, Mom never let me play in her makeup. But Olivia always did. I almost wanted to pick up one of her softer-than-air brushes and swirl it in powder just to feel it on my face.

Parker took a step toward me, and that’s when I realized, once and for all, that I wanted him to keep walking toward me, that there might have been a man out there who was handsome and smart and strong, but when I thought about love, how it felt, it wasn’t him that I thought of. It was Parker. Spending time with him again was the first time my guard had really been down since… since, well, ever. My entire life I had these walls up when it came to men, when it came to actually really, truly loving someone in a way that could shatter my world. I had gotten the exact type of love I had given, guarded and self-protective. And I had received the type of love I had believed I deserved. But I was starting to see that maybe I could have more.