Mr. Hal scratched his whiskery cheek, paying no mind to the crinkling sound of the body bag still wrapped around his legs. He glanced around the dim room filled with hoses, bottles of clear liquid, and stainless steel tools. “If I’m dead, then does this mean I’m in hell? ’Cause I ain’t never imagined heaven looking like the funeral home. Is that . . . ?” He squinted. “Is that Fannie Agnew? Ah, heck. I am in hell.”

Morty picked up the paperwork from the gurney and skimmed over it. “This says your wife found you nonresponsive on the bathroom floor. The coroner pronounced you dead and then called me to pick you up.” He dropped the paperwork and pressed two fingers against Mr. Hal’s neck, tilting his head in concentration. “Humph. You’re very much alive now, sir, so no heaven or hell for you today. Great news, right?” His voice grew quite high, but he somehow remained calm, considering the circumstances.

Mr. Hal rubbed his eyes. “I must have gotten my night and day pills confused.”

Morty tsked, waving a hand in the air. “You about made me pee my pants.” He finished removing the body bag and helped Mr. Hal climb off the gurney and into a chair. After getting the old man a cup of water, Morty crouched in front of me. “Oh, poor Austin. Mr. Hal done gave you a fright too, didn’t he, darlin’?”

I could only nod my head as Morty helped me off the floor and into a chair of my own beside the desk. My eyes remained trained on the newly alive man while keeping the dead lunch lady in my peripheral vision in case she decided to wake up too.

Morty stood by his desk and picked up the phone to make a call. “Ted, this is Morty Lawson. We, uh, have a little issue over here at the funeral home. . . .” He glanced over his shoulder at Mr. Hal and then me before turning to face the desk, his fingers anxiously twisting the coiled phone cord while he quietly spoke. After concluding the call with the coroner, he made another. “Mrs. Winkle, this is Morty Lawson. Honey, I’ve got some great news for you. A miracle, if you will. Are you sitting down?” He peeked again at Mr. Hal. “Good, good. So . . . um . . . there’s no need to make funeral arrangements. You see, um . . . your husband was accidentally declared dead, but he’s very much alive.” Morty paused a moment and then let out a nervous laugh. “No, ma’am. It’s the honest-to-goodness truth. The coroner is coming over to see for himself. After that you’re free to come get your husband. Ain’t that grand?”

I could hear a high-pitched voice breaking through the phone but couldn’t make out what she was saying.