The front and back doors were slid open, giving the sunshine permission to filter through enough to allow a fair view of whatever consequence Peg was about to receive for his misbehavior. The uncertainty of what Pa would do had the sweat trickling down my back. I moved Nash to my other hip and pulled the collar of my T-shirt away from my damp skin.

Pa placed Peg on his feet and began unbuckling his belt and unsnapping the buttons of his shirt at the same time. Fact, Pa had never been able to follow through with a whipping of any sort. He’d get as far as tearing a switch off or undoing his belt buckle, but never —not once —did the thin wood or thick leather meet any of our skin. Mama was just as soft, and it’s a wonder we all didn’t run around acting like a bunch of wild heathens. What our parents lacked in corporal punishment was always made up in chore punishment, though, so maybe that’s why we all didn’t end up ruined.

We stood in a somber line as the belt swished from the last loop of Pa’s britches, all eyes watching Peg squirm. He knew and we knew that he deserved a few lashes from that belt. But we also knew Pa wouldn’t see the punishment through.

Knowing all that certainly didn’t prepare me for what Pa would do.

“I’m no better father than this?” Pa’s wild eyes were trained on Peg as he shrugged off his denim shirt and let it fall to the ground. It was the most emotion I’d seen him openly display since Mama’s passing. A flash of Pa lying in that bloodied bed, screaming for Mama not to leave him, slammed into my thoughts, almost making me drop the baby. Holding Nash tighter, I blinked the image away as best I could.

Pa doubled the belt, gripping it with both hands to form an O and then snapping it into a loud thin line. Seven bodies flinched, including the two babies.

“I’m s-s-sorry, P-Pa,” Peg stuttered between whimpers.

“You acting like you don’t know any better than to be disrespectful.” Pa’s arm coiled back, preparing to deliver a blow as Peg’s eyes rounded with fear. Leather biting into skin echoed through the barn. Peg yelped and took a big step backwards, falling on his backside as Pa retracted the belt from where it wrapped around his own giant shoulder. His back was toward the line of us as he stood over Peg, so the angry welt rising against his skin was on vivid display.

Pa just struck himself? I could hardly believe what my eyes had so clearly just witnessed.