For years, sex had become this dark, looming threat, and then an unreachable fairy tale that was easy for everybody else. But it shouldn’t be any of those things. Shouldn’t be about power or guilt or just suffering through in the hopes of eventually reaching normalcy. It was supposed to be about respect and nurturing and pleasure. Exactly the way she’d felt when LJ played his saxophone. He’d made love to her without a single touch.

Tipping her head against the wall, she listened to the patter of droplets against the tub, falling like a quiet rain. Her hands slipped over her hips, nerve endings beginning to tingle as they recognized a touch gentler than what they were used to. Her thighs were more sensitive the closer she traveled to the insides. She’d forgotten that, and now it seemed like a secret path she was learning to follow again.

There were places on her body that naturally felt pleasure more easily than others. It was the exact place, actually, where she’d clasp her legs around a man. Something deep within her squeezed at the thought of LJ’s slim hips nestled between her legs. But even without him, this felt . . . good.

She trailed her fingers up the inside of her thigh, coming to rest at their juncture. There was a flinching in her, like that was something off-limits.

“No more punishment,” she murmured. “You never did anything wrong.” She cupped her hand over her center and rested it there, waiting to feel safe with herself.

It happened gradually, her breaths winding in and out until she realized the tension in her had been replaced with the slightest of tingles. It was the same rush that had opened in her when she’d pulled LJ’s naked chest close to hers. Except this time, she wasn’t afraid it was the only time she’d ever get to feel it. It was built into her body—the ability to feel pleasure.

It didn’t have to be given or taken away by a man. It was her right, and it was as natural as birth and death.

She shifted her hand, chasing the elusive feeling, and a different kind of tension drew up in her. Her body preparing for and wanting more. A smile broke across her face at feeling the change so easily, when for so long it had seemed impossible.

When it came, her orgasm rose in her like joy. The waves of it expanded, sparkling all the way down to her toes, out to her fingertips. Washing through her until she was all new.

It belonged to her: her body, her pleasure, her strength. And now that she knew it, no one in the world could take it away.

Twenty-two

Andra turned off the shower and wrapped herself in a soft towel.