At some point, the constant threat of a horrible death loses a little bit of its sting. All I can do is wake up each day, struggle, and do my best to survive. The real challenge is not letting my fear for the people I’ve grown to care about petrify me. Mireen, and even Ambrose. I worry more about something happening to them, and most of my motivation to improve is driven by wanting to be able to protect them.

I stare at my palm where the disguised water mark ripples faintly beneath my skin. My fingers tremble with effort as I try to coax even the smallest drop of water to rise. Nothing happens. The silver threads hidden beneath the blue wave pattern seem to mock me—a constant reminder that I'm an impostor.

Sweat beads on my forehead with effort, but nothing I try seems to work. Sestra's instructions are all for true water affinities, not... whatever I am. Unbound. The word the elementals used still echoes in my mind at night. It's like trying to force a key into the wrong lock—I have power, I can feel it churning all around me like a storm-tossed sea, but I can't access it through the methods she teaches. I can’t find out how to bring it into myself.

Every failed attempt is another risk. What if my mark shifts during class? What if the silver shows through while everyone is watching? I clench my fist, forcing the panic down. I can't afford to show weakness. Not here.

And I also can't afford to experiment with my powers for risk of showing what I really am. I'm stuck between two impossible choices, stagnating in a place where stagnation is as good as a death sentence.

Until we survive Confluence Day and tether an elemental, we're hardly more than trash here. Somehow, I've got to find a way to at least make it until then. How the hell I'm going to tether an elemental when I don't even have a normal affinity, though, is beyond me.

"Will channeling get easier once we tether an elemental?" a girl beside me asks, almost as if her own struggles have brought her mind to the same place as mine. Her forehead is beaded with sweat as a sphere of clear water above her palm shudders and finally collapses with a splash.

Sestra drifts through the room, severe features always making her seem to calculate and judge. She has skin so light it's nearly white, with shockingly blue eyes and markings that signal her status as a primal. Even though she's tethered to an elemental, I've never actually seen it. Apparently, that's rather common, as elementals can choose to reveal themselves or not to mortals.