The barely controlled emotion in his voice breaks my heart. I open my mouth to say something, but no words seem to capture what I'm feeling. All this time, I don't know what I thought, but now I can at least see enough to understand.

He didn't try to shut me out after the kiss because he didn't want me.

He has been trying to shut me out because he does want me. And he thinks letting himself want me would get me killed.

"Raith..." I finally say, voice barely a whisper. "I'm already in danger from more things I can count. Malakai and Serena want me dead. Everybody who was just in that room knows about Typhon now, and if they think I'm a threat to them, they'll probably want to kill me when my guard is down. Bastian knows, and he says Empire is coming to watch the Crucible, so if I have to reveal Typhon to save myself, they'll know too. And I'm fucking unbound, whatever that even means. I don't think you could put me in more danger than I'm already in if you tried. So can't we at least just... be whatever it is our hearts want us to be?"

His hand lifts as if he's about to cup my face, but he frowns and pulls it away, shaking his head. "Yes, you're in danger already. But I'm doing everything I can to protect you from it. If Empire's going to be watching during the Crucible, then we'll just have to make sure you don't need to reveal what you are. We'll stop anybody who comes for you. Simple as that."

"I don't know how I'm going to survive, Raith. Even with your help. Even with Bastian's help... It feels like death is coming at me from so many angles I can't keep track of it all. I'm scared. I know I shouldn't admit it, but I am." My voice breaks on the last words. "And if I'm going to die, can't I at least have one thing I want before I do?" My eyes hold his, and I see the conflict there. The hunger. The need.

He licks his lips, eyes falling to my mouth. "And what is it... What do you want so badly?"

"You," I breathe. "Gods, Raith. Isn't it fucking obvious already? Can't you see how⁠—"

He's kissing me before I can take another breath. It's a desperate kiss, all heat and hunger. His big hands are on my body, squeezing and gripping me greedily as he pushes himself against me and lifting me like I weigh nothing—pressing my back against a stone pillar and spreading my legs around his waist.