He's changing the subject. It's what he always does when the topic drifts too close to the truth. "Raith... You know everything about me. You know... what I am. You know about Typhon. My heartrate quickens as I force myself to continue. I mean, gods, we kissed, Raith. Even if you're trying very hard to pretend it never happened. It did. And do you really think I'd do that if I was planning to betray you?"

His eyes are hard. "You don't know who I am."

"So fucking tell me!" I don't mean to shout, but my voice echoes in the small room.

"I'm someone you shouldn't get close to. Somebody you shouldn't care about. That's all you need to know."

"Except it's not. I need to know why you're helping me. Why you care about me. Every fucking person in this Academy makes me feel like I’m going mad. They bend over backwards to save my life but nobody will give me a straight answer about why. I need more than half-answers, Raith. I need the full truth for once."

"Then you're going to be disappointed, Nessa. His voice strains with barely-contained emotion. I'll keep training you. I'll help you survive the Crucible, and when you're eventually strong enough to watch your own back, we can pretend we never met."

"But that's not what I want, Raith. Don't you get that?"

A touch of something finally seems to ignite behind his hard eyes. "Nessa... you don't know what you're dealing with."

"Then. Tell. Me."

"I can't." He hangs his head, shakes it, then looks back up at me. I can see pain in his eyes. Despite all his hard edges, I realize it's actually hurting him to keep these secrets. He wants to tell me, but he really thinks he can't. "It's not that I don't trust you. Okay? Can you at least take that for now and be content? I do trust you. With my fucking life. And even if it makes me a fool, I can't stand the thought of something happening to you. If telling you the truth about me means there's a chance of you getting hurt, then I'm not doing it. Even if you hate me for it."

"Raith..."

He straightens, and I can see a shift in his expression. Topic closed. Conversation over.

"During the Crucible," he says, as if we'd been talking about it all along. "I'll do my best to keep an eye on you and your group. I know Serena and Malakai will have at least a few groups coming after you."

I think about forcing the topic back to his secrets, but I saw the pain in his eyes. Maybe it makes me a fool, but I believe him. I don't think he's keeping secrets to hurt me. I think it's the opposite. Even if it frustrates me to no end, I can at least respect that. For now.