Walker climbed the hill a few steps behind Jon. He’d wakened early, finding himself at peace for the first time in weeks. He felt good. He had energy and optimism. He’d suddenly turned a corner. He had no idea why or when the shift had occurred. When he’d opened his eyes that morning at the Pelican Motel, a sight that should have been depressing was actually all right. He’d have preferred to be home with his wife and kids, but for now, he could do this. It dawned on him that being clean and sober felt better than the best moment of being drunk. He didn’t want to live as he had, from happy hour to happy hour, drink to drink, from one hangover to the next. It was as if a heavy set of chains had fallen away. His demons had loosened their hold and he was light as air. The battle wasn’t over. Come 5:00, he’d probably still have the urge to drink. But he knew now all he had to do was what he’d been doing for the past ten days. Just not drink. Just not succumb. Just think of something else until the urge went away. Being clean and sober for ten days hadn’t killed him. The alcohol had been killing him. The absence of alcohol was to be celebrated—and not with a drink or a cigarette or a pill or anything else that might come between him and his own soul. If he could attribute the sense of well-being to anything, it was his decision to turn himself in. In his conversation with Jon, he’d implied that he was still on the fence, but it wasn’t true, He wondered if this was the euphoria experienced by someone bent on suicide. Turning himself in would be the end of life as he knew it, and that was okay with him. He’d brave it, all of it—the shame, the humiliation, the public castigation. That was the deal he’d made twenty-one years earlier. There was no escaping his fate, and he accepted that now. Drinking created the illusion he’d gotten away with something, but he couldn’t obliterate the burden in his soul. Owning up would do it, taking responsibility.