Nate had felt a lot of terrible emotions in his lifetime, but none hit that depth of powerlessness. He'd never considered himself a control freak, but having everything removed from his control, from when he was able to use the bathroom to the number of sips of water he was allowed between beatings. Being tied to a chair, unable to wipe the dripping blood, unable to scratch an itch. Some people found peace in knowing the world was out of their control. Nate found only torment.

Marisa moved their joined hands to her lap, where she laid her other hand over his. "I can't imagine how awful it was for you."

No, she couldn't imagine it. And he wasn't going to tell her any more. She had enough of her own torment right now. She didn't need to worry about his.

"Is that why you quit your job?"

"I needed to escape the chaos. Escape the job, escape New York." He needed to control his environment, and there was too much in New York that was out of his control. A quiet life. That's what he longed for. A life where he would never, ever feel that powerless again.

And if that were the case, what was he doing here?

"I believe I've ruined your plans," Marisa said.

Was she a mind reader? "Nobody ever plans for something like this."

"I would never have guessed you'd gone through that. Did you have PTSD?"

"Did. Still do, I guess."

"Yet, here you are."

A sucker for a pretty face. He glanced at Marisa and smiled. A beautiful face, a beautiful heart. He squeezed her hand. "Like I said yesterday, there's no place I'd rather be."

"How are you handling it, the...the fear? Because after I escaped eight years ago, I was skittish all the time. And nothing had really happened to me. I'd just been afraid, and it was awful."

"I feel like I'm in AA. Maybe I should be—do they have AA for control freaks?" The joke fell flat. "I'm worried I won't be able to handle it, yeah. That's why I need my friends and Garrison to stay involved. You need somebody you can count on if things get dangerous."

"I can count on you."

"No, you can't. You think you can, which is why I'm telling you this. I am..." He really didn't want to go on, but she needed to understand who he was. Even if it painted him in an ugly light. She needed to know he was not worthy of her trust. "Remember when that guy grabbed you in Acapulco?"

"Not the kind of thing a person forgets."

"Ever ask yourself why it took me so long to react?"

When she didn't say anything, he glanced at her face. She seemed more confused than anything. "You were there right away."