She ignored him, only now becoming aware of her rapidly accelerating heart rate. Distantly, she congratulated herself for making it back home before turning into a complete wreck, but she wanted to hide from him. The thought of him seeing her like this again was unbearable.

She turned from him and marched upstairs, then stopped. Where to go? She could hear him following her up the stairs between her intensifying breathing. She stumbled into his bedroom, their bedroom, but where now? Into the bathroom? Kaveh won’t like that. Outside, onto the balcony? Too much room for error, and he’ll try to stop me.

“Baby,” he said, taking her by the shoulders and turning her around to face him. “Tell me what you need.”

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. The harder she tried to make words happen, the more her body resisted. He’s going to throw me out, he’s going to make me leave. Black spots encroached on her vision. Her skin felt like it was peeling off her face like an ocean wave receding from the sand. The bridge that connected thoughts to words had been blown up.

“Okay, yes-or-no questions,” he said. “Do you want me to stop touching you?”

“No.”

“Are you having . . . bad impulses?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to hold you?”

“Yes.”

He pushed her until she fell on her back onto the bed, hopping onto it next to her and pulling her into the center. He turned her around, pulled her back into his chest, and wrapped his arms around her tightly, locking her in place.

For the next five-odd minutes, her breath came hard and fast like spikes, and she tried to say something, tried to form some of these sounds she was making into words, but all that came out was incoherent nonsense. The whole time, she was dimly aware of him behind her, stroking her hair and kissing her neck and whispering reassurances. It took another five minutes before she was able to produce human language once more, and in between her hyperventilating, she said, “I can’t control it, I’m sorry, I can’t control it!”

“No, you’re doing good.” He kept holding her tightly, kissing her on the temple.

Good? How in the hell was this good? “I’m trying! I can’t—”

“You’re doing so good, baby.” His voice was so calm. How could he stay so calm? It felt like he was speaking to her from another dimension. “You did what I asked—you didn’t lie to me or hide from me. You accepted my help. That’s a huge step. This was never going to go away overnight, but you’ve already made a huge step.”

“I can’t stop it!” She was still hyperventilating, but it was slowing. “I can’t stop it.”