Ah, right, those feelings he’d been ignoring. The thought that she might, if only unconsciously, see their relationship as transactional hurt him, because he did not. Goddamn but this situation got more and more fucked up every second. There was no right or wrong thing to do, no way to un-fuck this, only the path of least harm, and he could only hope that whatever he did from here on out fell on that path.

“You’ll do anything?” He looked at her appraisingly, leaning on the balcony rail.

She nodded, expression painfully sincere. “Anything.”

“Okay. We start small. Today, we get that prescription filled. I’ll call around, find you someone appropriate so you can start treatment. I mean real treatment, not this crisis urgent-care hotline shit. We’ll get that started ASAP. But the most important thing,” he said, his tone deadly serious, “is that from now on, if you’re spiraling, if you’re having intrusive thoughts, if you’re panicking, I want you to tell me.”

Her expression morphed into shock, as if he’d told her she was accompanying him on a hike up Annapurna and they were leaving right now.

“I don’t want you to hide them from me ever again,” he continued. “No more ‘I’m fine’ when you’re not. That’s my condition. You have to be honest with me. ¿Claro?”

She couldn’t have looked more horrified if he’d told her she was going to spend the rest of her life naked and chained to a radiator.

“You said you’d do anything,” he reminded her, almost teasing.

Slowly, she nodded in assent.

“Deep down, I think you understand that you can’t just wish that shit away. That if you try to keep it down, the pressure builds, and it explodes. So don’t hide it from me anymore. Let me help you.”

He reached his hand to her; she didn’t move, eyeing it suspiciously.

“When you have panic attacks and intrusive thoughts, I’ll talk you through it,” he said. “I’ll try to guide your breathing. We’ll get through it together. But this isn’t going to work if you don’t trust me.”

She kept looking at his hand, still unsure, then took it. He helped her to her feet and pulled her close, the feeling of her body against his a relief, and just held her. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.” Oh, what a mess this was. Goddamn feelings.

After a few minutes, he guided her back inside, shutting the door behind them and closing the curtains. She crawled into bed, and after removing his outer clothing, he climbed in next to her.

“Try to get some sleep,” he said. “I’ll be right here. I’ll clear my schedule. Doostet daram.”