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Back Truth of the Divine Save as PDF
Chapters (70)
  1. Also By Lindsay Ellis and Available From Titan Books
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Dedication
  5. Contents
  6. Author’s Note
  7. Part 1: It’s A Fool Who Plays It Cool
  8. 1
  9. 2
  10. 3
  11. 4
  12. 5
  13. 6
  14. Part 2: Love Has A Nasty Habit Of Disappearing Overnight
  15. 7
  16. 8
  17. 9
  18. 10
  19. 11
  20. 12
  21. 13
  22. 14
  23. 15
  24. 16
  25. 17
  26. 18
  27. 19
  28. 20
  29. 21
  30. 22
  31. 23
  32. 24
  33. 25
  34. Part 3: A Crowd Of People Stood And Stared
  35. 26
  36. 27
  37. 28
  38. 29
  39. 30
  40. 31
  41. 32
  42. 33
  43. 34
  44. 35
  45. 36
  46. 37
  47. 38
  48. 39
  49. 40
  50. 41
  51. 42
  52. 43
  53. 44
  54. 45
  55. 46
  56. Part 4: Happiness Is A Warm Gun
  57. 47
  58. 48
  59. 49
  60. 50
  61. 51
  62. 52
  63. 53
  64. 54
  65. 55
  66. 56
  67. 57
  68. A Fiction Agreed Upon
  69. Acknowledgments
  70. About the Author

She kept her eyes on her laptop, hoping he’d be distracted enough not to realize that she wasn’t doing anything but staring into space. He had his laptop balanced on the arm of the couch and a journal full of notes and doodles in his lap, the end of a pencil resting between his teeth. He wore black-rimmed reading glasses and a blue cashmere sweater over a crisp white undershirt with the collar and cuffs poking out from underneath. He looked so professional, so comfortable in his own work and his own skin, everything that she wasn’t. All she wanted was to crawl up next to him, maybe put her head in his lap while he worked, feel the softness of that cashmere sweater on her cheek. He’d allow it, of course, and he’d be nice about it, but that didn’t mean she needed to impose more than she already had.

The TV cut back from commercial, and there was her picture again, and the chyron read, UP NEXT: MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT ORTEGA FAMILY CONNECTIONS TO ETIS.

“Are you sure this is okay?” he asked.

“It’s fine,” she said. “It doesn’t bother me.”

* * *

She’d never been with anyone like him before. He was nothing like the pump-and-dump guy from a few months ago or any boy she’d been with in high school. He was gentle and considerate, taking the time to learn what she responded to, what her sensitivities were, which in a way only made her feel worse, like feeling pleasure at all was another debt incurred. He never treated her like she owed him anything, but at the same time, they ended up at the same place every night, and within a few days, it almost felt like routine. And she tried to lean into that, but it wasn’t getting any easier.

That night, she was good about hiding her nerves, despite being confused and infuriated that she was feeling nerves at all. But soon, she was under him, and despite herself, she began tensing up again, wincing loudly when he tried to enter her.

“Are you okay?” he said, propping himself on his elbows.

“Yes.” Goddamn it.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“It’s okay. I like it.”

A nonanswer and a half truth. She did like it, and it did hurt, but it shouldn’t have, because there was no reason for her to be having any pain.

Why? Why why why?