She sat down on the toilet seat and stared at the floor tiles, the grid pattern of the grout joints, and tried to silence her thoughts, which kept returning to that beach. Every time she closed her eyes, she was transported back there. She took a deep breath, puckered her lips and exhaled slowly. I’m here. I’m home. That’s my towel, that’s my insanely expensive shampoo, that’s Kiruna’s wind-up hippo. I’m here.

Dazed, she undressed and stepped into the tub. The water was scalding; she sat up for a while to get used to the heat before sliding her bum forward, leaning back and letting her head sink toward the bottom, where it landed with a gentle thud. Maybe she should stay down here, just stay. She resurfaced with closed eyes and slicked back her hair, reached for the shampoo bottle and squeezed a dollop into the palm of her hand.

When she got back out of the water after rinsing her hair out and slicking it back once more, he was sitting on the toilet, watching her solemnly. He looked tired and ugly. The way he’d looked the first year after Kiruna was born. A face paralysed by the anaesthetics of chronic sleep deprivation.

In one of the many scenarios that had played in her head during the almost ten-hour drive, she had lain with her head in his lap, telling him a terrible story laced with supernatural elements. She had told him everything, every detail, and he had listened, without mocking, without even interrupting her, and he had looked empathetic because her facial injuries confirmed she was telling the truth.

Now he was sitting there on the toilet seat with his stubbly cheeks and she knew it wouldn’t be like that. He hadn’t waited up for her; he’d been watching Netflix. Detached from reality. And now he was keeping his distance. He almost seemed afraid of her. Of touching her.

‘You shouldn’t have gone out there.’

No questions, no sympathy. Just reproach. She realised she had never seen this side of him. He had probably been terrified. Likely still was.

‘But I did.’

‘What happened to you?’

‘I was knocked about. Among other things.’

He said nothing.

‘I’ve been locked in the boot of a car. My nose is broken, look, and I think I have an orbital fracture. Because it feels like I do when I open my mouth.’

‘Did you call the police?’

She shook her head. Now he was going to get up and get the phone and call. Introduce himself as a doctor and file a report. But he didn’t. He just sat there. There were food stains on his shirt.

‘Who did this?’ he said.

‘I don’t know.’

‘You don’t know?’

She shook her head.

‘Does Susso know who they are?’

‘She might.’

‘Is she back too?’