It’s part of the job,
There won’t be a parent there without a camera hon.
CAMILLE: You’ll be a kid magnet!
LACHLAN: [laughing and distracted] You’ll be in paedophile heaven.
SIMON: What the fuck did you say? /
LACHLAN: Mate, I didn’t mean /—
JESSICA: Simon, it was just a stupid joke. /
CAMILLE: Simon? Are you okay? /
SIMON: You’re in my house.
And you say something like that to me? /
SIMON grabs LACHLAN.
JESSICA: Fuck Simon! /
CAMILLE: Sime.
JESSICA: Let him go, you’re hurting him! /
SIMON let’s go abruptly and LACHLAN falls to the ground.
They all watch SIMON in disbelief. He is freaking out.
SIMON: I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Oh God. I didn’t mean to—
JESSICA goes to LACHLAN on the ground.
SIMON rips off the Santa outfit.
[Angrily, to JESSICA] I told you I couldn’t do it.
You wouldn’t listen.
I said I didn’t want to do this shit and, I fucking don’t.
JESSICA: Jesus Simon.
He storms out.
CAMILLE: I’ll go catch him up.
She leaves.
LACHLAN: I’m pissing off everyone.
JESSICA: Are you okay?
LACHLAN: Yeah I’m fine.
JESSICA: He looked like he was going to hit you.
LACHLAN: I said something stupid.
JESSICA: He’s just not himself.
LACHLAN: He really isn’t a Santa fan.
JESSICA: I think he’s stressed with work and—
And things with us.
God I’m so sorry.
I mean he’s always had his difficult family stuff.
But
This short fuse—
It’s a new side to him.
LACHLAN: What do you mean?
JESSICA: Nothing.
LACHLAN: Has he hurt you?
JESSICA: No.
LACHLAN: If he—
I would fucking kill him.
Beat.
JESSICA: I’m fine.
But thanks.
A moment. LACHLAN looks lovingly at JESSICA who is confused and looks away.
LACHLAN: [gesturing to her] Here.
JESSICA: What?
LACHLAN: Give me the suit.
JESSICA: Would you?
Beat.
Oh. Thank you Lachlan. So much.
Imagine having to tell all those little kids there’s no Santa coming?
LACHLAN: You’ll make a great mum.
JESSICA: I’ve stopped taking the pill.
I’m really ready for a baby.
In fact—
I think I might—
I’m going for a test at the hospital tomorrow!
LACHLAN: That’s great.
JESSICA: I know—
I just hope Simon calms down.
LACHLAN: He will. It’s just a one off.
All men can react oddly, even me at times!
JESSICA: Thanks Lachlan.
You won’t say anything?
LACHLAN: Does Santa love his Goddam fucking reindeers!
JESSICA looks down at the discarded costume.
JESSICA: Well no, it appears he doesn’t!
They laugh.
Lach, I haven’t told Simon that I’ve stopped taking the pill.
In case he disagrees about the timing.
LACHLAN: But—
Jess you have to tell him.
A baby changes everything.
JESSICA: I’m not a liar.
It’s the only secret I’ve ever had.
LACHLAN:—