“Miz Cotton?”

“I see you all set, Melvin. Well, remember what I said and do something even if you only spit.” The weeds snapped back into unstrung bows, swallowing up Mrs. Cotton.

I made an oval shape with my hands around my mouth and yelled through the opening.

“Whoooahhh. Whoooahhh. Whoooahhh.” Within seconds, similar cries echoed from every direction. The weeds wobbled and fell flat to the earth. About eight other boys were visible. They were all decked out in a patchwork of clothes trying to get next to Western dress.

“Okay, let’s go!” A cap pistol was fired.

“Hey, man, I got you in the arm.”

“No, you didn’t. You thought you got me. Like you thought like Nelly and thought shit was jelly.”

“See that, man. I didn’t sound on you.”

“Aw, go suck a butt and hug a nut.”

“Man, what’s wrong with you? I told you to watch where you swinging.”

“I didn’t mean it. I slipped.”

“Slip again, punk!”

“Don’t be coughing in my face, Melvin. What’s wrong with you?”

“I ran out of caps.”

“You cough in my face again and I’m gonna run upside your head.”

“But I got to cough and spit. I’m Doc Holliday.”

“Damn, Melvin, you always got to mess up the game with some stupid shit.”

“Yeah, drop your gun and cover your mouth.” A chitlin-faced man was brought in on a stretcher and lifted into a highchair. He was wearing a judge’s robe that collapsed around him. When he spoke he wheezed like an asthmatic.

“Will the defendant please step forward. Do you have anything to say on your behalf?”

“I only coughed because I was playing Doc Holliday.”

“That’s all well and good, Melvin, but the tradition of John Wayne requires that certain laws must be obeyed. Cowboys do not cough in each other’s faces.”

“But I ran out of caps!”

“That doesn’t matter. The law is the law. If you are a cowboy and you get into trouble, you use a gun. You don’t cough. Let me show you what I mean.”

He reached into his robe and took out a spool of thread. He removed a needle from the spool and broke off a long piece of thread. He licked one end of the thread and tried to see it through the eye of the needle. The effort proved too much for him and he fell back in his highchair exhausted.

“Se-eee what I mean? The laws of nature have rendered their verdict on my body, and I must have the serenity to accept them.”

“But what’s coughing got to do with that?”

“Coughing your way out of trouble is going against the laws of cowboys. And they must be accepted just like the laws of nature.

“Your behavior makes it clear to the court that you are in need of corrective detention. Your coughing and spitting are clear signs of your inability to make the appropriate responses during the rites of manhood.”