A knock on the door.

“I need some time,” I’d said.

“It can’t be too long.”

“I’m not stupid, Flannan. A day or two, that’s all. And if I do say yes, I can’t tell Grim.”

“So he wouldn’t be coming with us?”

“It’s complicated. Just don’t say anything to him, all right?”

“Not a word.”

• • •

I didn’t need the day or two I’d asked for. The next morning I went to see Flidais. Being less than honest with her made me feel bad, but there was no other way. So I said that I was moved by Geiléis’s distress, knowing very well what it was to be a woman and to feel powerless, and that I wanted leave to travel to Bann and conduct the cleansing ritual Master Oisín could not perform in time. While I was there, I would see if I could find other solutions to Geiléis’s problem. I would return straight after midsummer, I told Flidais, whether or not I succeeded in banishing the monster from the tower. That part was the lie, or the half lie. If I decided to go south with Flannan, if I decided to walk that perilous path, I would never be back. Not to court, and not to Winterfalls. Saying what I did felt like stepping off a cliff. My stomach was churning with nerves. It was hard work maintaining a calm face. Flidais knew me well, and she wasn’t stupid. But she gave me her blessing to go. The truth was, the court physician, Caillín, would do a more than adequate job of delivering the baby, provided there were no complications. But Flidais wanted me, and I had promised to be there.

I told Lady Geiléis I would come with her and was thanked with a beaming smile. Before I’d even left the room she was sending for Onchú, her head guard, to make plans for our departure. And then I told Grim I’d changed my mind about going to Bann. He’d known already that something was up. I’d had a restless night, full of dark memories. If one of us couldn’t sleep, the other generally stayed awake too. At one point Grim had gone downstairs to make a brew, and had asked if I wanted to talk, and I’d said no. He hadn’t pressed it; we understood each other too well for that.

I told Grim nothing about the new plot against Mathuin. And I did not tell Flannan that for now, my yes went only as far as riding to Bann and attempting to deal with the monster in the tower. Geiléis’s home was remote, isolated—hard to reach even without the monster making the ford impassable. I would be safe there while I made up my mind; it was far from Mathuin’s clutches. And who knew? I might even succeed in banishing the creature. A small victory beside the one I so longed to achieve, but worthwhile all the same. Hadn’t Conmael bound me to use my talents for good?