No good answer to that. Not one I can give to a nice fellow like this and still be truthful. “These days, I’ve got no faith,” I say. Which is true, as far as it goes.

“God forgives sinners,” Brother Fergal says quietly. “Our Lord Jesus Christ embraces all humankind—the weak, the strong, the bad, the good, the sheep that stay with the flock and those who wander and lose themselves. Those who know their path, and those who are yet to find it. You might give some thought to that.” He gets up. “Now,” he says, brisker, “if you’ll come with me, I will introduce you to a few of my brethren, and you can cast an expert eye over the thatching materials. I’m sure we can find you a tall novice as an assistant. Someone eager to learn.” He pauses. “We can accommodate you here while you’re doing the work. That would save you the daily walk. And the meals are very good.”

It comes to me that I’ve just promised, more or less, to be here all day, every day, from now until midsummer. Do that and I can’t look after Blackthorn properly. But I’ve given my word. “Suits me better to stay at Lady Geiléis’s,” I tell him. “I’ll come up early. Put in a good day’s work, don’t worry. Only I have to be there. For a bit each day, at least.” I shut my mouth. Already said more than I meant to.

Brother Fergal has a little frown on his face, but he doesn’t ask awkward questions. “If that suits you, Grim,” is all he says.

Lot of good things about monks. They don’t pry; they don’t hammer their beliefs into you. They listen. They have answers when you want them. They tell fine stories. Of course they want you to become a Christian. Only natural. For most folk that come to a monastery, that’s what it’s all about. Even for me, the first time. Breaks my heart, remembering that. Such hope. A new dawn, that’s what I thought. And for a while, that’s what I got. Never been so happy. Then, in an eyeblink, or that’s how it felt, it was all gone. They gave me something precious: open arms, a safe home, work for my hands, learning. Brothers. Family. And I failed them. I lost them. I lost everything.

“Right, then,” I say, swallowing tears. “Show us these reeds.”

23

Geiléis

At last Grim was out of the way, and likely to stay so. The job at St. Olcan’s would keep him so busy he’d have no time to poke his nose into anything. A man like him wouldn’t try to winkle out secrets. He’d do his job and keep himself to himself, and even if he did discover anything, he’d lack the wits to understand its importance. Besides, he’d be on the roof all day. Up there, a man was unlikely to get into conversation with scholars.