You are going away. Stephen is paying. Thinking of going to America, your eyes are bright as if lit from the inside. I realise it’s hope, although in sending you to the USA, Stephen is exiling you from a place where it’s important to be a Wharton. Kronus, like Macbeth, couldn’t sleep because of guilt; it was his fate to travel as a ceaseless lonely exile. You don’t know this but you will move on from there too.

Some eucalypts need fire to grow. For me, the Brunton fire will always be present tense, always just about to happen and always still happening in a deep part of my mind. I’m sure everyone has a past moment they want to relive differently. Part of my consciousness is trapped in those flames. Afterwards the world will refresh with green shoots and new life. I suppose I’ve had the same goal as you with your Sean the Adventurer stories. Something was wrong with your life, and Sean’s life, so you used your art and sketchbooks to make it right. I’ve been trying to make it right between us.

Like fire or a trial, raising a child is an action with a beginning, a middle, an end. The art school Stephen chose is a great opportunity for you. I’m not allowed to say I want you to stay. You act like you’ll never forgive me. One day you might understand, but until then I’ve lost you after all, and not just because of distance. Our family was one more thing that could not survive the flames.

I’ve been writing. At least in these pages, I still have you in my life. It’s the evening. I stand at your window, looking at the burned-out fossicker’s hut, where once we heard a lyrebird mimicking the sound of sirens. I suppose this is the way with endings – they sneak up like flames licking. I wait for you to come home, and doubt you will.

If you are affected by any of the issues in Torched, there are organisations who can offer help and support:

Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14

Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636

Kids Helpline: 1800 551800

NSW Mental Health Line: 1800 011 511

The Pantera Press Foundation continues to focus on Bushfire relief. Simply buying this book will help us fund important organisations that support victims of the fires, the fireys and our Australian wildlife.

If you feel moved to donate, the author suggests Lifeline and the Victorian CFA as organisations that do much to relieve communities in times of great need. Additionally, there are many national and state-based organisations seeking donations, including: Australian Red Cross Society, The Salvation Army, State based Rural Fire Services, Food Bank Australia, WIRES, Foundation for National Parks and Wildlife, Worldwide Fund for Nature Australia and more.

BLACK SATURDAY – THE WOMEN TESTIFY

A poem found in Victorian women’s testimony to the Black Saturday Royal Commission.

This is my story.