“The bride of Frankenstein likes us now. She said she guessed I wasn’t such a bad slut.”

“Bet you got all excited over that.” Lula levered herself out of the Escape, holding tight to Boo. She set him down on the ground. Boo ran to the Apusenjas’ front door and started yapping to be let in.

Mrs. Apusenja opened the door and let out a shriek. She scooped up Boo and held him close and got a lot of sloppy Boo kisses.

“Isn’t that nice,” Lula said. “A family reunited. It almost makes me want to get a dog. Except for the peeing and pooping part.”

Tell me about it.

FIFTEEN

I WAS ON my way back to the office when Grandma Mazur called.

“We got a situation here,” she said. “I don’t suppose you’re in the neighborhood?”

“What kind of a situation?”

“Valerie decided she’s going to marry Albert.”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah, except Albert’s been living with his mom and his mom isn’t happy that Albert’s not marrying in his faith. Albert’s mom wants him to marry a Jewish girl and so she’s kicked him out of the house. That means everyone’s going to be living here. Albert just showed up with a couple boxes of his stuff and he’s moving it into that little room upstairs with Valerie and the girls.”

“Oh boy.”

“Exactly. We need to put rubber walls on this house. We don’t all fit in it anymore. Your father says he’s moving in with Harry Farnsworth. He’s upstairs packing and your mother’s all upset.”

“My dad’s moving out?”

“I can sort of see his point on this. He had to drive to the gas station on Hamilton to use the bathroom this morning. So I don’t exactly blame him, but what’s your mother going to do if your father moves out permanent? Where’s she going to find another man? It’s not like she’s a live wire.”

I did a large mental sigh. “I’ll be right there.”

“Don’t tell nobody I called you,” Grandma said.

I made a U-turn on Hamilton and smiled, knowing Cal was scrambling to follow me in the big Explorer.

Lula leaned over the seat, watching him. “Good to keep a man on his toes,” Lula said. “I bet he’s all worried back there, cursing you out. He can’t find a place to wheel that SUV around. Uh-oh, he just jumped the curb and knocked over a garbage can. Ranger won’t be happy to see a scratch on that shiny new car.”

I pulled into the driveway, blocking my father’s car so he couldn’t make a getaway. Then I ran back to Cal, who was parking in front of the house. His face was red and a trickle of sweat traced a path down his temple.

“It’s okay if you park here,” I said to Cal and Junior, “but don’t get out of the car. Both of you stay here and try to look normal.” Even as I said it, I knew it was an impossible request. “And don’t worry about that big gash in the right front fender. It’s really not all that bad,” I said.