She said give her some money and she might.

I told her I gave her money, and she spent it on those stupid fucking magazines.

She whispered to me. Hateful. If I was so damn unhappy then why didn’t I just leave? Just pack up and go right now?

I didn’t answer. I picked up Tracey and she put her arms around my neck. We went into the kitchen. I looked in the refrigerator. There was some old bacon, and a half cup of chili in a Tupperware bowl, and a quart of milk, and a little brown hamburger meat, and one hot dog. I found some Rice Krispies under the counter. I fixed two bowls and ate with Tracey. I washed her hands and her face.

I didn’t want to leave. I’d said some of the words I’d been wanting to say but I hadn’t said all of them. My words wouldn’t hurt her as bad as hers hurt me. I held onto Tracey and looked at my watch. There wasn’t much time. Your life goes by and if you spend it unhappy, what’s the point? If staying won’t make you happy, and leaving ruins somebody else’s life, what’s the answer?

I didn’t know. I still don’t. But I’d told her I’d be there by six. And finally I couldn’t wait in the kitchen any longer.

I was so nervous I changed clothes three times before he got there. I ended up wearing a dress that was too short. I cleaned the house twice, even though I knew there would be sawdust and tools on the floor. I’d been thinking about him all day, I couldn’t help it. He was so quiet and mysterious and he had such lovely hands. I’d had a few drinks, and I was going to offer him a drink when he got there. Just thinking about him being all alone in the house with me excited me. Maybe if he had a few drinks, he’d loosen up and talk to me. I wanted to talk to somebody so badly. It’s not easy being alone after being married for thirty years. It’s not easy to come home to a house so quiet you can hear a clock ticking.

I kept waiting and looking at my watch, and I kept drinking. I thought it would calm me down. I was so nervous my hands were just trembling.

Finally he pulled up and I looked out through the curtain in the living room. He had two doors and two sawhorses in the back of his pickup. I watched him get out and put on a tool belt and lift the doors from the truck.