I turn the flashlight off and set it back on the table beside the bed. I might need it again before the night’s over. I don’t want to be up stumbling around in the dark.

“Mama had three kittens,” she says, and I listen. Her voice is soft, remarkably clear, like a person reciting a poem. I wait for the rest of it, but it never comes. I’m lucky, this time, I guess.

I sit on the side of the bed. I don’t want to get under the covers just yet. I want to hear the house quiet again, and the silence is so loud that it’s almost overpowering. Finally I lie down and pull the covers up over my head. The warmth is still there. I move toward her, looking for I don’t know what. I think of a trip I took to Alaska a long time ago, when I was a young man. There were sled dogs, and plenty of snow, and polar bears fishing among cakes of ice for seals. I wonder how they can live in that cold water. But I figure it’s just what you get used to. I close my eyes, and I wait.

Big Bad Love

Part II

Discipline

Please tell the court again, Mr. Lawrence.

We were tortured in pairs, singly, that is, individually, but only on Saturdays, or in groups of not more than four.

Let me see if I have this straight. Now, you said you were only tortured on Saturdays, is that right?

No. You misunderstood me. What I said was that we were only tortured individually on Saturdays.

And why do you suppose that was? I have no idea.

[Turns, facing the room, head shaking in mock wonderment, small malicious smile of feigned chagrin or imagined bond of friendship obvious] You have no idea. I see. Well then, let me ask you something else. [Referring to notes] You said that on the evening of March twelfth, yourself and a man named Varrick? I believe? were taken from your quarters and allowed intercourse, blindfolded, with two obese women?

Well, that’s partly correct. …

And where do you suppose—no wait. Who do you suppose these two women were?

I told you we were blindfolded.

Ah, yes.

And we weren’t allowed. We were forced. That’s all in my deposition. I don’t see any need to—

Just answer yes or no, please. How well did you know this Mr. Varrick? Was he a close friend?

Well. [Perhaps hedging here?] No. I wouldn’t say he was a close friend, no. I mean we ate lunch together a few times. We read a few of each other’s stories.

And you took a few showers together, too, didn’t you? Yes. Did you at any time of your last period of incarceration engage in a sexual act with Mr. Varrick?

I did not.