Daniella took the vape in hand. She looked at it for a minute. It wasn’t the shade of the menthol, minty-green flavor. It was a metallic, slate gray. That could only mean one thing. Inside was a partially used weed pod. One of the mythical few weed pods that Jo had bought and kept hidden in her bag o’ vapes. Daniella’s hands shook as she clicked it back to life. She didn’t feel them shaking, though. She watched them shake, fiddling with the plastic sliding lid. Like she was watching herself fail rather than feeling herself go through any motions.

Then the door crashed open and Daniella nearly jumped out of her own skin. The vape pen fell to the ground, having flown out of her hands. It was Rinn and Imogen. They were holding hands the way friends do—palm over palm, their hands neatly enfolded in each other. It was a careless kind of affection, and it gave Daniella a pang to see it, though she couldn’t have said why.

Imogen was the first to lower herself onto the ground. She ducked to a crouch and then she plopped next to Daniella’s legs. She looked at Daniella for a moment, then she caught sight of the flash of the metal of the vape pen. She reached for it, flipping it through her fingers the way drummers do with their pens. Maybe Imogen knew a lot of drummers, too. Maybe she was a drummer. Daniella had no clue. There was so much that Daniella didn’t know about Imogen. She hadn’t realized that before. But in one little finger twirl, Daniella saw how much she didn’t know. Saw everything that Daniella had been too busy to pay attention to.

Everything was always right in front of Daniella, and she never seemed to see it until it was too late. If she was being honest with herself, she could have. But Daniella was done being honest with anyone, starting with herself and ending with the rest of the world.

Rinn was more tentative. She stood on the other side of Daniella’s feet for a minute. She didn’t really look at Daniella. She didn’t look not at Daniella, either. It was this strange, distant gaze. Rinn saw Daniella, but she wasn’t looking at her. Rinn saw Daniella, but she wasn’t quite avoiding her, either. Limbo, trapped in emotional purgatory.

I’ve done that to her. I’ve made her afraid of me.

Daniella wished she could apologize. For what she said when she’d been so afraid. For what she’d done. She wished she could go back, undo most of her day.

Most of her year, if she was being honest with herself.