Big questions: he was beginning to wonder how, after all that killing, he could serve God. The padre in the camp had reassured him that (1) the killing was not murder, since the church ruled that it was justified in war. And (2) God had saved James to serve Him. I don’t know how the padre can be so certain, James wrote. God might have saved me so I can be a plumber. And I’m still not sure about the killing. Our guards are all old airmen, they’re not Nazis, they hate the Nazis. They’re decent. Makes me think how many other decent men I put to death.

Do you want to be a plumber? I wrote.

Six weeks later: No, I want to be a priest.

In that case, I replied, the question is as follows: After all that killing, how can you not serve God?

—

In early 1944 he told me that because he was going into the church there wouldn’t be any money ever. That England was cold and poor, and I would be the one doing the housework and bringing up the children. This is by way of asking, dear Yvette, I cannot promise you much more than my heart but, darling, will you marry me?

I accepted.

Adding that, given the situation, I would make sure I came with a substantial dowry.

—

Then, in March ’44, he was moved to a place called Belaria. I found this out afterward. At the time, all I knew was that the letters were fewer. After Christmas there were none at all. In January 1945 the news bulletins told of Russians advancing, prison camps being emptied out by the Germans, prisoners being marched westward. I looked again at the map. It was a long way to the Allied lines. His mother, who I addressed as Iris now, assured me that it was the same for everyone. We were all as ignorant as each other. But in May 1945 Iris wrote again. In case his own letter gets lost, James would like me to tell you that he left the camp in January of this year. They were forced to march eighty kilometers in the snow to Luckenwalde, from which place the Russians finally liberated them.

James was lucky as there were a number of deaths on the march.

His squadron will soon go to Palestine but James will spend the rest of his service on leave for recuperation, so he will not fly again. He plans to be with you in Egypt by the end of May.

I hope that we will meet one day soon, dear Yvette.

I received James’s letter the next day. It was brief, and contained none of those details apart from his estimated date of arrival. The writing was very small.

—