I fold my arms across my chest. ‘I knew you’d be like this about it.’

‘Like what?’

‘Sanctimonious. Disapproving. Judgemental.’

He takes a step back from me as though I’ve punched him. Hurt flickers in his eyes. ‘Is that what you really think of me?’

‘I …’ Is it? Is that why I didn’t tell him the truth about the phone hacking? Because I knew he’d disapprove and judge me? That he wouldn’t love me any more if he knew what I was really like, what I’d do to get a story? ‘You don’t like what I do for a living, do you? It doesn’t sit well with your social conscience. You want to make the world a better place. You’re a teacher! It’s one of the most important, worthwhile jobs there is. And you see mine as –’

‘Don’t put words into my mouth! You’re always doing that, telling me what I think or feel, and it’s bullshit, Jess. Journalism can be worthwhile. You don’t have to lower yourself or be morally corrupt to be a good journalist. Have you ever thought that it’s not me who’s being judgemental but that you’re judging yourself?’ A pulse throbs in his jaw and his eyes darken. ‘I just wish you’d trust me a bit more.’

‘Just then, though, when I told you about Heather, you sounded … disapproving.’

He takes a step forward, his expression softening. ‘I wasn’t disapproving. I was worried. Because I love you. I care about you. I want you to be safe. That’s all. I think you’re a wonderful person. You’re funny, kind, confident, clever. It’s you who’s got a downer on yourself, for whatever reason.’

He’s right. Whatever he says I can never shake the feeling that he’s too good for me, that I don’t deserve him.

We stand and stare at each other for a few seconds. Then he reaches his hand out and takes mine. ‘I’ll always love you,’ he says. ‘No matter what.’

And I realize I love him too. Really love him, in a way I’ve never felt about anyone else. He’s never been the problem, it was me, pushing him away because I felt I didn’t deserve him, scared that eventually he’d find out what a fake I really am and leave me anyway.

I’ve never really trusted anyone in my life. But I need him. I need to stop running away from forming deep relationships, not just with Rory but with friends too.

I lead him to the sofa. We’ve a lot to talk about. I need to tell him everything.