We had danced to this song, alone in his parent’s home in Arberly after they’d gone to bed. We’d been courting for several months but hadn’t gotten serious until that night. It was the first Solstice I spent outside of the castle. At the time, I was so captivated by Carex’s handsomeness that I barely remembered the steps to the dance. He smiled every time I blushed, and we ended the night whispering our feelings for one another in front of the fire, kissing and fucking like adolescent fae experiencing their first relationship, even though it was hardly the first time for either of us.

“It was this song,” I say, smiling at the memory, cheeks heating.

Carex’s hand tightens around my waist, and he pulls me closer, placing his forehead on mine. “Laurel,” he breathes. “I’ve missed you.”

“You see me every week,” I respond as I pull my head back, knowing that’s not what he means.

“I see the Queen every week. I haven’t seen Laurel, my Laurel, in a long time,” he whispers. “But something about you is different. In a good way. You seem lighter, happier. More open, despite everything going on.” His hand splays across my back, fingers lightly exploring, trailing closer and closer to my ass. I stiffen.

“Carex—don’t. We agreed. We both wanted to move on. We couldn’t give each other what we needed.” I repeat the words we’d said.

“What if—what if I don’t? Want to move on, I mean. All I ever wanted was for you to open up to me, to the world. That’s what I needed from you. Maybe now you’re ready to give it to me. I know you didn’t think our relationship was over for good back then. I certainly didn’t.” His gray eyes are shining and hopeful. When it ended, there was a part of me that had hoped he’d change his mind, hoped he’d give me a reason to try again. I’ve imagined countless conversations like this one over the last several decades.

Now those thoughts have been consumed by others that are decidedly not about Carex. Thoughts about someone who’s equally unavailable, but who’s undoubtedly the reason for the change Carex has noticed in me. I almost laugh aloud, realizing Carex wants me now that someone else has brought out what he never could.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” I say slowly, but Carex interrupts me.

“Why not? Lots of fae couples go through up and down periods. My own parents have had three different marriages, and they’ve ended things temporarily in between them each time, but always decide to come back to one another. We can have a whole new relationship. We’re different people now, just like my parents.” He pulls me tighter, and I feel smothered.