After the rebel attack on Rusthelm, Laurel became hyper-focused on perfecting every aspect of our plan, combed over every detail of the ball and the prisoner breakout, tweaking and adjusting until it met her standards. We haven’t spoken of the attack since returning from the clearing, both of us exhausted and our magic spent. Nor have we discussed the otherworldly glow that had emanated from her as she was questioning the rebel sent to threaten her. She looked transcendent. When I try to bring up the attack, she changes the subject or dismisses me. When I returned, expression pale and blank, Silene held my hand as I sobbed, telling her of what had happened and of the one I couldn’t save. Who had done that for Laurel? Instinct tells me she simply pushed down the horror and carried on like she has likely done her entire life.

I’ve spent more time with the so-called Witch Queen this week than I have since we arrived, sitting through countless planning meetings with her advisors. I’ve tried to charm her, making flirty remarks and innuendos, but she continues to be immune. While I can usually get a few minutes of banter out of her, she eventually shuts it down. It’s incredibly aggravating. We’re never going to learn about the real source of her power if I can’t get her to trust me. And there is something different about her power. I suspected it the moment I met her in the throne room, but it was confirmed for me when I saw her glowing as she tortured that rebel.

It pains me to admit that I’ve fulfilled my father’s request to understand what the kingdom is like and how strong she’s become, though I have no intentions of providing him with that information. I’m not sure what he expected we’d find, but Laurel is strong and fully in control of the massive well of power she possesses. Even more surprising to me is how she rules, the kindness and wisdom she shows, and her unwavering drive for perfection. She’s respected, revered, and has kept this kingdom together—kept this kingdom thriving—through three centuries of isolation. I wonder, though, if the relentless drive she has is a wall she puts up between herself and the world—her attempt to show the face of a ruler she thinks she needs to be but doesn’t feel she truly is.