"Oh my God." I release a soft moan as I close my eyes. This is just fabulous. I don't think I've ever eaten better chocolate in my life. Now I know for sure what I'm going to be stocking up on from the cafeteria—and hey, it's a good source of energy, and I'll likely be needing a lot of that in the future.

I'm soon finished and I can't resist the urge to go in again to get a few more pieces of chocolate. I take a fistful of chocolate and make my way out, going toward a pretty garden I noticed at the edge of the complex. Despite its restricted area, there seems to be everything one might need here.

Finding a small nook next to some yellow flowers, I take a seat on the grass. The many plants and flowers offer me an advantage as I'm not as easily noticeable. This way, I won't need to withstand all the odd glances coming my way from the other teams.

I bite into a chocolate square, and despite it being utterly delicious, a sigh escapes my lips as I wish my Nikki were here to enjoy this too.

"You'd like this," I whisper, taking another bite. "I bet I could make you the best cake with it. It would be so creamy and sweet..."

My voice trails off as I realize how silly I am, talking by myself to an imaginary version of my husband—and it's not even his ghost.

I release a weary breath as I bring my knees to my chest, hugging myself. For the last few weeks, I've managed to keep myself together and focus on one goal at a time. Yet there are brief moments when my confidence falters and grief swallows me whole.

"It's fine," I tell myself in a low, pained voice. Shivers erupt all over the surface of my skin, coldness penetrating my bones despite the warmth outside. "I'll be fine. I'll win..."

Yet the truth is that I'm not fine. I'm the furthest away from fine. I've just done a damn good job of burying everything so deep within myself that at some point I've managed to convince myself that maybe I could be fine.

All along, I've been living a lie.

And this one bite of chocolate was enough to remind me of everything I lost. Of those stolen moments together where not even my deepest fears could get to me because I had him.

I press my lips together as tears stab at the back of my eyes.

"I need to be strong," I whisper as I swallow against the sudden wave of grief that strikes me in the breast. I allow myself a few moments to wallow in my pain before I put myself together. The only way I can win this is if I keep a level head.