The next morning Eustace had a deep cut beside his eye, but he said nothing of what had happened. In fact he did not speak to Rosa at all, and left for London immediately after breakfast. She was glad to be left alone once more. At least now Eustace would not be there to witness her absolute failure as a mother, her total inability to do it properly.

A few mornings after he’d left, Rosa was slumped in the rocking chair in the nursery, two crying babies cradled in her arms. It had been another endless night, and a grey dawn light was finally pushing its way through the windows, but Rosa knew the nightmare would continue. It seemed as if this endless cycle would just go on and on. There was blood on her nightdress where her nipples had been bitten raw. Tears ran from her bloodshot eyes, but she was hardly aware of them. Truly this seemed the cruellest punishment imaginable – to want the babies, only for them to not want her.

She barely even noticed when Jill entered the room with her morning cup of chocolate, until the girl set down the tray and then came to crouch beside the chair, into Rosa’s line of sight. Dimly she realised that the maid had been talking to her and she had not been taking it in. Rosa realised, too, that her aching breasts were exposed, yet even if her arms had not been full with the twins, she doubted she could have mustered the energy to cover herself. What did any of it matter?

‘I’m sorry, Jill.’ Her own voice seemed suddenly strange to her. ‘What did you say?’

‘I offered to help, madam,’ the maid repeated, although she looked terribly uncertain. ‘With the babies. I have three of my own and it doesn’t have to be … like this.’ She gestured vaguely. ‘I can show you, if you like, how to make it easier? I mean … if it’s not impertinent?’

Rosa looked at her maid properly for the first time then. There was kindness in the girl’s face, but she looked worried too, as if afraid she might be dismissed on the spot for even making such a suggestion.

‘Oh.’ Rosa felt her heart clench painfully with a small spark of hope. ‘Oh, would you?’

‘Of course, your grace.’

Suddenly Rosa’s tears turned to sobs. ‘What’s wrong with me? Why am I so bad at … at everything?’

Jill tentatively laid a hand on her back and rubbed it gently. Rosa did not think she had ever been so glad in her life to be touched by another person, yet it only made her cry harder.

‘Feeding isn’t easy, madam, not for anyone,’ Jill said. ‘Not at first. And especially not if you have two little ones. You just need someone to show you how to do it properly. That’s all it is.’