Chapters (39)
- Cover
- Title
- Author’s Note
- Glossary
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Acknowledgments
He’d cried when he realised how out of control she was. He and Michelle argued for days about the best way of handling Clare’s condition. Geoffrey couldn’t sleep. He had no appetite and no will to work. He gave Vincent the keys to his bakkie and, for a fortnight, sat at his computer, barely rallying the energy to respond to emails or send invoices. For the first time in eighteen years, his fingernails were clean and the calluses on his hands shrivelled.
When he overheard Angus tell Linda not to bother telling their father about her hockey match because “all he worries about is Clare,” Geoffrey called his doctor and asked her to refer him to a therapist. If Clare wouldn’t seek help, he would. It might help him be a better father.
He wasn’t sure it made any difference to Clare, but Geoffrey felt better. The sessions gave him a glimpse at what she might be going through, though he wasn’t sure he’d ever truly understand. He was able to talk to Michelle, Angus and Linda about Clare’s illness and how it made him feel, without breaking down. The sessions gave him the chance to express his guilt and helplessness and to ask some of the questions that bombarded him in the early hours. How could he have allowed this to happen to Clare? What had he missed? What kind of father couldn’t make his daughter well? Geoffrey’s therapist helped him see what he could control and what he couldn’t. The heaviness in his heart lifted slightly and he could once more see beyond Clare. He went shopping for a new hockey stick with Linda, practised with her and watched all her games. He played touch rugby with Angus and helped him fix his bike, and reserved a weekend away for him and Michelle.
Vincent returned his bakkie keys, relieved.
“You might not be able to lift as many bags of soil as me, Geoffrey, but I don’t have as many answers for the clients as you do,” he said.
Clare hugged him when she said goodbye before returning to university and, as he tried not to focus on how fragile she felt in his arms, he heard her whisper, “I’m so sorry, Dad.”
Geoffrey had stepped back and looked into her eyes, wanting to tell her it was okay, it would be okay if she was okay, but he felt his eyes brim and couldn’t speak. She patted his shoulder and left. It was still so hard.
When he looked up again, Geoffrey saw that Derek had stopped in the middle of the path and was peering behind him at the others.
“Let’s give them a moment,” he said, as Geoffrey paused alongside him.