Chapters (39)
- Cover
- Title
- Author’s Note
- Glossary
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Acknowledgments
“Please don’t, Zach. I don’t want you to. Please don’t.” She hoped he didn’t recognise the panic in her voice.
“Okay. But, Mom, when I get a job, when I’m working, I’ll give you pocket money.”
Faye went to her son, wrapped her arms around his shoulders and hugged him. They never spoke of it again, but from then on, on every birthday, Christmas and Mother’s Day, Zach presented his mother with a voucher from a bookshop.
Now, as she lay on a bed of leaves in a forest in the mountains, it was clear to Faye. Her mother had died nursing worries about her. Her son pitied her so deeply he’d used his pocket money to buy her vouchers, hoping she’d join her friends’ book club. (She bought the books but didn’t join the club.) No wonder Faye was ashamed. She’d let her mother and her son down. She was weak and had failed them. She’d allowed her life to be derailed and landed up in scrapyard of worthlessness. How had it happened?
When she fell in love with Derek, Faye imagined that being with him and his equally self-confident and ambitious friends would somehow elevate her, make her stronger, more assertive. As Derek’s wife and adopting his friends as hers, she would, she’d thought, live a fuller, more rewarding life. One in which she’d be a woman with opportunity and influence. In that regard, she might certainly have been delusional. Instead of building her up, the marriage had depleted her.
Even if Veronica was right about Derek having coerced his wife into believing that she was weak and needy, Faye had bought into the notion. She’d existed so long within his assessment of her that she no longer saw beyond it. Could she rebuild what had been chipped away over two decades? Was there a way to be happy and proud again? To be willing to face the mirror? Oh, to have the same grit as the tiny girl alongside to me. To have a plan and the resolve to make it work.
The shelter was dark, the gloom helped not only by the cloudy night and dense forest, but also by the layer of leaves and branches Faye had assembled to keep the rain and wind out. As she’d settled in alongside Clare before nightfall, she’d wondered briefly if the darkness and sounds would play tricks on her imagination and make her too nervous to sleep. It was only two nights ago that she’d sat outside at Heuningbos and seen Derek switch off the light in the cabin, believing she would never be brave enough to sleep outdoors. Yet here she was. Not just outdoors in a makeshift shelter, but in a forest—with an injured girl.