I like the idea of being high-functioning. I want to smirk, but I realise as I do that I must look like a fool to her.

‘To address the underlying issues, you need to recognise your addiction. Or rather: addictions. For what it’s worth, you may also be addicted to the adrenaline of your job.’

Of course I am addicted to the adrenaline of my job! It’s why I love it. If you think I’m giving that up, you’re the one that’s insane.

‘Can I ask: have you heard of a condition called ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?’

‘Isn’t it that condition where kids won’t sit still and won’t do as they’re told – and are generally a pain in the arse?’

She sighs. ‘That’s a sort of over-simplified version, I suppose. As you say, a condition where someone is restless and impulsive, but can also be capable of intense concentration or hyper-focus? Does any of that resonate with you?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You’re an intelligent man, Gil. I am asking whether, if you look back at your childhood, or indeed now, if people remarked that you wouldn’t sit still, wouldn’t do what you were told, did things on the spur of the moment without thinking? But at the same time you were able to go into your own world and pursue projects or hobbies to the exclusion of everything else?’

This is annoying, probably because it is on the money. When I was at school I would drive the teachers mad by fidgeting. Stop tilting back on your chair, Gil. It’ll fall backwards. You’ve already needed stitches in your head this term.

‘Surely all bright kids are like that? There’s nothing special about me.’

She smiles. ‘I’ve been specialising in ADHD for years now. I believe that it’s a condition that affects not only children but also adults. I can’t be sure, but I suspect that you have ADHD and that you use the cocaine to control it. As you may know, Ritalin is the main pharmacological treatment for ADHD. Would it surprise you to know that for those with ADHD, cocaine can have a very similar effect in supressing the symptoms, and that you may be self-medicating?’

I don’t know what to say. I say nothing.

‘I’d ask you to think about all this. In particular, we should talk about whether it would be helpful to get you a formal ADHD diagnosis. You are taking huge professional and health risks with your cocaine habit. The risks of taking Ritalin are somewhat less.’

Shit. She thinks I am a mentalist. I am not fucking mentally ill.

‘I have my own system for coping. It works.’

‘Really? Do you really think it works? Would you be here if it was all fine?’

‘I think I am doing OK.’