“Harvard,” Peter replies, pretending to drop a mic on the table.

Molly, who’s a dead ringer for Anne Hathaway circa The Devil Wears Prada, gives us an apologetic expression. I groan. Dean taps my foot under the table. I want to hiss at him so bad. If I had known that Peter’s molecular makeup consists entirely of asshole chromosomes, I would have made additional demands before agreeing to be Dean’s fake girlfriend. Not even the opportunity to dine at Rasika, where even the president probably needs a reservation, can make up for having to interact with the blowhard across the table (the naan’s spectacular, though).

Barnum’s last name is fitting, too, because the man is a circus clown. Molly, who’s lovely, must have agreed to marry him under duress; it’s the only explanation for this pairing.

I chance a glance at Kimberly and her partner, Nia. Now this is an adorable, well-matched couple: two gorgeous Black women who couldn’t be more different in looks and personality but finish each other’s sentences. Kimberly is tall, her skin dark and rich, and she’s just as sarcastic as I am. Nia’s petite and fair, her hair an artful arrangement of honey and red-toned locs swept up into a high ponytail, and she bounces as she speaks, as if she’s bursting to share her observations because she’s worried that she’ll forget them. What’s even more precious? Despite their long-standing relationship, they somehow manage to look like they’re still in its honeymoon phase.

I’m not sure the firm partners were thinking clearly when they put together this welcoming committee. Oh yes, it makes perfect sense for two white men to give a Black woman insight into what it’s like to work at a mostly white law firm. Epic fail, if you ask me. Still, despite the optics, Kimberly and her partner seem to be taking it in stride.

“How about you two?” Peter asks, interrupting my thoughts and directing everyone’s attention to Dean and me. “Tell us about the moment you fell in love.” He leans forward and addresses Kimberly. “There’s a bit of a scandal to the story.” His beady eyes glitter with malicious intent. “Can’t wait to hear how that all went down.”